Dancing in My Own Skin

Some years ago, my son was getting married. It was a small, casual summer ceremony at a historic lakeside tavern where his soon-to-be wife worked. There was nothing in my closet that suited the “mother of the groom,” so I went to the only plus-size store in town and found a lovely black, three-quarter sleeve pullover sprinkled with tiny sequins. It was comfortable, appropriate, and made me feel pretty good about myself.

The ceremony was outdoors, under the blazing August sun. My beautiful top was sticking to my sweating body, and I was miserable, happy that my son found a life mate, but miserable because I was so uncomfortable. Later, as the cocktails flowed and the music started, we moved into the tavern for dancing. I joined the crowd on the old oak floors, moving to the rhythm with absolute joy.

One of my son’s young friends came over to dance beside me. After a few minutes she leaned in and said, “Oh my goodness, you’re such a great dancer! I didn’t know big people could move like that!”

Bad photos are very difficult to fix but this was on my son’s wedding day. 

You might think I was offended, but I wasn’t. I’ve always been a good dancer, and she had probably never seen a big woman move so freely. In that moment, I realized I’d become a living example of something she hadn’t known was possible: that body size doesn’t have to keep us from being fully, unashamedly ourselves.

Having an obese body isn’t great for your physical health, but neither is hating yourself for having one. What’s the big deal if my arms flap in the wind or if I haven’t seen my pubic hair in years? Being comfortable in the body I have today is good for my mental and spiritual health. Getting fitter takes time but changing how I think about myself can start right now.

But I know that being healthy isn’t just about joining Weight Watchers or hitting the gym. To me, real health has three equal parts: physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual, and I wondered if science and medicine see it that way too.  

When I looked into it, I discovered that even the World Health Organization agrees. It defines health as “a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being — not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” One article I found added that health systems “miss the mark if they reduce people to a list of numbers — blood pressure, cholesterol, or genetic variants.”

We’re complicated beings. I know what I should do to take care of my body, and yet I still make excuses. Maybe that’s old trauma talking, maybe it’s habit. But as I stand here in my “Cronehood,” I ask myself — if I don’t love me now, when will I?

Science may not have all the answers, but it’s catching up to what I’ve learned through living: true wellness comes when we care for our entire being. For me, it starts with mental health — because when I feel good about who I am, I’m more likely to care for this big, beautiful, sweaty, dancing body.

These days, I see my body as a partner, not a problem. Whether she’s shimmering in sequins or wrapped in soft cotton, she’s mine — and she deserves to be loved…. Today.