The key to my happiness

I started to learn gratitude when I was 17 and got kicked out of my family home for deceiving my parents. I went to live with a friend in a nearby small city. For over a year, I washed my jeans in a sink and had weeks of just eating instant mashed potatoes because my roommate and I had no jobs and no money. That’s when I started to understand how fortunate I was to come from a middle-class family.

One thing led to another, and soon I was injecting Dilaudid with my roommate and her junkie friends. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into, but the woman I am today recognises the innocence of that young girl and is grateful for surviving that wild summer. There must have been a guardian angel watching over me because most of those people died alone from overdose.   

Hanging out with the wrong people, so naïve and inexperienced, I found myself arrested for a rather serious crime along with my boyfriend and another man. Again, fate smiled on me by providing me with a public defender who believed I was blameless and got me out of county jail. I had the clothes on my back and the $2.00 the jailers gave me to get a bus to a home, a home I no longer had. Thankfully, my boyfriend's sister took me in until I got on my feet.

Later in life, there were a few times that my ex wasn’t working and there wasn’t enough food in the house. The kids got school breakfast and lunch, but there were a couple times I had to make a phone call to their grandparents asking, “Can the kids have dinner with you tonight?” I know there are lots of people who don’t have school or family to help when things are bad. I’m grateful for having help.

About 10 years ago I lost a lot of weight by eating better and taking walks around the hood. In the beginning, walking hurt so bad I’d be in tears from the pain of holding myself upright and moving my large body. One of the tools I used to get me through the pain was appreciation for having legs that worked properly. When I wanted to quit walking, I would think of soldiers coming home without limbs, and the excruciating pain they must endure to find their new normal. Gratitude helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself and walk on despite the pain. It helped me lose over 70 pounds.

When I witness others struggling, gratitude makes my heart ache and I ask myself, “Why am I so blessed?”  There have been times when I stood behind a woman at the grocery store and overheard her say, “I need to put this, this, and this back please”, as she fumbles with the money in her hands.  If I have the extra cash, I’m helping her out.  There are people who work 3x harder than I did and still live in poverty. That doesn’t seem fair so I’m coughing up the cash out of gratitude.

photo credit to By Any Other Nerd

Gratitude comes in all shapes and sizes. Let’s think about charity, like giving a woman a few dollars to buy groceries.

There’s a quote by Black Elk, the Oglala Sioux holy man who observed how charitable the white man could be.  

There is something magical about charity. It usually comes from a place of gratitude and recognition that someone is in a worse position than yourself.  In fact, some might argue that giving to others is a selfish act because it feels so good. Plus, those acts of kindness send ripples of positive juju into the universe and we could certainly use more of that.  

It’s hard to imagine not being grateful, but it happens all the time. Gratitude slips through my fingers when I’m upset with my husband, or when the car needs repairs. I forget about my privilege and sometimes forget to be thankful at night when I go to bed. There are days I wake up grumpy and filled with self-pity, but it’s always gratitude and the love of my Sammy that pulls me back from self-imposed misery. 

I know a woman who has a wonderful life. A modest but very cosy home. A car in the driveway. Food in the fridge. Healthy kids. But she consistently complains about what she doesn’t have, as if another trinket or new toy will make her happy. I wonder how someone can find happiness if they can’t even find satisfaction.

Years ago, we celebrated Thanksgiving at our house a few times, and I always asked our guests to give thanks before we ate, even if they did it quietly. One family member thought it was horrible that I asked people to express their gratitude, but the holiday is called Thanksgiving for a reason so if you dined at my table, if you enjoyed the juicy roast turkey and cornbread stuffing, please…. Express your appreciation in whatever form works for you.

Photo credit to Positive Psychology

Positive Psychology featured an article by Dr. Melissa Madeson, PhD called “The Neuroscience of Gratitude & Its Effects on the Brain” (September 2025). Dr Madeson talks about how the brain processes gratitude and how it triggers “good hormones and regulates effective functioning of the immune system.”  Scholars believe that gratitude also activates the “reward centre” of the brain which can help us view ourselves and the world around us in a more positive perspective.

The article goes on to describe how the practice of appreciation can help our overall wellbeing. “Gratitude can boost emotional resilience by focusing on positive things in life instead of toxic emotions like envy, jealousy, resentment, and anxiety.”  When it comes to stress, studies “found that participants experienced a reduction in cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and had better cardiac function.”  Stress kills our good moods, our happy thoughts, and sometimes, takes our lives.

Being grateful has proven benefits that include reduced anxiety and depression, improved sleep and immunity, and overall feelings of contentment and positive outlooks. But how can we practice gratitude to help us achieve better mental, emotional, and physical health?

Millions of people exercise their gratitude every day through prayer. Regardless of a person’s spiritual beliefs, there is usually a ritual of giving thanks to a higher power. Many believe the simple whisper of “Thank you”, when spoken with a grateful heart, can manipulate the universe with waves of goodness. I was taught to pray before bed, and though I’m a Pagan, there can only be positivity when offering my nightly appreciation. I start with mom’s “Now I lay me down to sleep…” and finish by acknowledging my ancestors and people close to me who have passed on. This ritual is part of my gratitude routine, and though I forget sometimes, I trust the universe knows my good intentions and gives me an occasional pass.

I can find gratitude in raindrops, in a great meal, in having coins in my purse. There’s gratitude in the furnace that heats my home and in my very kind neighbours. I’m thankful for friends that hold my secrets, socks that warm my feet and arms that hug my husband close to me. All I need to do is look around and there’s something to be grateful for in every glance and every sound.

I’m a big fan of shifting perspectives, of looking at things from different angles, but I don’t need a scientific study to show me that being thankful for the many blessings in my life is truly, the key to finding contentment, peace of mind, and happiness. 

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Dolly Parton

 https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude