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Japanese businesswoman checking the time on her wristwatch

Before I moved to Scotland from New Jersey, I joined a couple Facebook groups of American women living in the UK and groups of people who were applying for UK Visa's. It was helpful to read their experiences and learn the process of moving to a new country, and it gave me insight into life as an American living here. There were lots of posts about schools (many are on work or education visas), and there were a few posts about calling cookies “biscuits” and how hard it is to find Mexican food. When they started talking about searching for American-type dill pickles, I jumped right into the conversation, I mean, my grandfather used to call me “pickle puss” because I enjoyed them so much. But there were other discussions that caused me to worry a bit, and that was the struggle for some women to develop friendships. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-xartt1uorimh1vsf0h" class=""><img id="xartt1uorimh1vsf0h" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39Y6l5QbIcVI17OEqwxjS6JdRFWLK6gk9mLuRG41gjsr72E3EY0n74Kw1845kKG2.png" alt="Older woman with worried face is looking out a window" title="Older woman with worried face is looking out a window" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to: Teona Swift for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39Y6l5QbIcVI17OEqwxjS6JdRFWLK6gk9mLuRG41gjsr72E3EY0n74Kw1845kKG2.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to: Teona Swift for Pexels</figcaption></figure><h3> I was worried</h3> Reading those posts had me worried that l'd be here, alone with my husband, without girlfriends to bitch and complain about him, or talk about sleepless nights, pain in the ass family, or sexy romance novels. I kept my expectations low and held faith that I was a people person and surely, somebody will like me. Surely......Six years later, I’m sitting in the comfy Cosy that my husband had built for me, enjoying a glass of Montepulciano de A’Bruzzo and thinking about the abundance of friends I have made here in Scotland. The experiences of those other American women were not my experiences at all, but I’m happy that I kept my expectations low because in my view, they usually end up with pain and disappointment.&nbsp; <figure id="figure-0dzxbg316imh1vv17u" class=""><img id="0dzxbg316imh1vv17u" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bBumquciHU7QN2AFRB0zkdZD3zwxBkOWaumOiLKhnMza80uUWtOgWohisAzljas.png" alt="A lighted office shed" title="A lighted office shed" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="The Cosy at night" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bBumquciHU7QN2AFRB0zkdZD3zwxBkOWaumOiLKhnMza80uUWtOgWohisAzljas.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">The Cosy at night</figcaption></figure> Expectation comes in all shapes and sizes. There’s the expectation that my dinner guests will show up on time. We agreed on a time and date so it’s reasonable to believe they would be here when the chicken comes out of the oven. Of course, even the most honourable intentions can go astray, so if my dinner guests message me to say they’re running late due to road construction, my disappointment turns to understanding and my expectations are met without further concern.&nbsp;Sam and I have everything we want and need (so grateful), but when he didn't buy me a birthday present, I got the feeling that I’m not important enough for him to go out of his way. But I know that's not true because he shows me in many other ways how much he treasures me.&nbsp; &nbsp;Expecting a relative to send me a “Happy Birthday, Di. Love, your relative,” email is one thing, but expecting them to ask about my life in Scotland is another, especially when they have already demonstrated a complete lack of interest. If the shoe were on the other foot and they moved to a different country, I would ask about their life. But is it fair to expect them to do the same?<h3>Expecting too much</h3>In my humble view, expectations are based on 2 different scenarios. &nbsp;First, if you say you're going to do something I will expect you to do it, to keep your word. That's an easy expectation to have, for someone to actually do what they say. The 2nd type of expectation is more complicated, and I recently came to realise that expecting people to be like me is a form of judgement.A perfect example of this was how we approached a loved one when Alzheimer's really started to affect their wellbeing. I took it upon myself to call them everyday because I could tell they were scared and bored and helpless, but when I wasn’t able to phone, I begged my family to call in my place, just to keep our loved one occupied for a few minutes.&nbsp;They never stepped up in the way I had expected. I was crushed with guilt and pain for my loved one who needed their support with just making a phone call, but it's been some years now and I've come to understand that my thinking was flawed. Just because I would do it doesn't mean they would, and that's perfectly ok. I no longer feel the need to compare myself to them or vice versa, which by osmosis, seemed to lower my expectations of them.&nbsp;<blockquote> “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”&nbsp;– Harriet Morgan </blockquote>Understanding how expectations work has helped me navigate emotions of disregard and other bad juju that comes with feeling let down. It’s given me a greater appreciation of the differences between individuals too. My husband is one of the kindest, most generous people I know, but he has demonstrated a lack of interest in buying me gifts. Okay.&nbsp; So now my choices are to get upset or to change the way I react to his lack of effort. I'd rather not let it bother me.When I consider all the facts in our marriage, not buying a gift isn't a big deal. I can easily buy myself anything, anytime, so that's what I do. Instead of feeling hurt and expecting my love to change his unimaginative behaviour, I made the choice to release my grip on gift-buying expectations. Sometimes people aren't gift buyers... so what? He makes up for it by dressing in black and doing the paso doble' in the living room. He's so sexy with the black accentuating his thick, grey beard, and seeing him dance so joyfully makes me giggle. And that makes him happy and I'm good with that. Plus, I bought myself some thick wool socks last year for the holidays and they are perfect!&nbsp;Another consideration of expectations is the worry factor. I was invited to a BBQ to honour an elderly family member, but the hostess and I stopped talking to each other years ago over some misunderstanding. She was quite aggressive at the time so my expectations were high that there would be another conflict. &nbsp;My worrying almost made me stay home, but I went to the BBQ and it was wonderful. She and I renewed our relationship and we’ve been great ever since. Worrying about something rarely lives up to the negative hype that expectations deliver.&nbsp;&nbsp; <figure id="figure-h4vhkomjfmh1vzigx"><img id="h4vhkomjfmh1vzigx" src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/38rk5KqYaHZwpSXXHDQSwZDOP0vyIx6GtJukP8jb1rFKCFL49S1254OYd9c5gC4h.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/38rk5KqYaHZwpSXXHDQSwZDOP0vyIx6GtJukP8jb1rFKCFL49S1254OYd9c5gC4h.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure> What I've learned about expectations is that we're all unique individuals so it's not fair to judge people by the standards I set for myself.&nbsp; By expecting very little, I've significantly reduced the levels and frequency of feeling disapointed, and my stress and worry are massively reduced.&nbsp; &nbsp; I’m going to keep my expectations and judgements lowered, and I'm going to increase my appreciation of others and their individual uniqueness.&nbsp; I hope others will offer me the same kindness, but I'm not going to expect it.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;

Lowering my expectations

My mom suffered from crippling low self-esteem. For years, I thought she preferred restaurant booths because they were more comfortable, but I later realised it was because she didn’t want people to see her “fat ass”.&nbsp; My mother was beautiful — light blue Elizabeth Taylor eyes, thick brunette hair, and a shapely figure. Yet she couldn’t see any of it. &nbsp;It was only when Alzheimer's stole her memory that she released her grip on self-doubt and gave up caring how she looked. She asked me once, “Where did you get your self-confidence? Maybe I absorbed all hers, &nbsp;I don’t know.<figure id="figure-w6lqj6on1emgoymmg5"><img id="w6lqj6on1emgoymmg5" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/217NoEdKxLuAjruq46Flkfzt9H5uk8Sq5Va9DU7FzAhoQvXES50ifd8bOBsJO2OU.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/217NoEdKxLuAjruq46Flkfzt9H5uk8Sq5Va9DU7FzAhoQvXES50ifd8bOBsJO2OU.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Even someone with a healthy sense of self-worth can be ambushed by doubt. Today, I’m questioning my ability to write stories worthy of The Crone Network. I have three finished pieces sitting on my desk, but I’m afraid to release them. What if they’re boring? What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail — again? So I’m writing this story about self-doubt hoping it helps me understand why it has such a hold on me today and maybe, just maybe, it helps someone else loosen its hold too. It zooms in on mistakes People describe me as kind, generous, and friendly, but that’s not enough to drag me from the depths of not believing in myself. &nbsp;The self-doubt remains. I built a successful career and became a “boss lady”, but some of my ideas were a flop and lost money. &nbsp;It was embarrassing and self-doubt moved into my thinking and completely forgot that I wasn’t the only one responsible. &nbsp;That’s what self-doubt does. It zooms in on my mistakes and ignores successes until I start believing I’m not capable.<figure id="figure-d447za9xnmgoyq6ay"><img id="d447za9xnmgoyq6ay" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2deYdu4ZWhEoMWfneaVPhsTZt67nAwAsKlSijRVkT6SBvNd7WLuZNHEcmGAeysiX.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2deYdu4ZWhEoMWfneaVPhsTZt67nAwAsKlSijRVkT6SBvNd7WLuZNHEcmGAeysiX.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>For a long time, I saw those moments as proof I wasn’t good enough. &nbsp;But now that I’m a Crone, I recognise the resilience, courage, and the refusal to quit I displayed. Each failure could have been the end, but I survived them all and maybe those are the small victories I need to remember so self-doubt doesn’t stop me from believing in myself. So where does this leave me now? &nbsp;What have I learned about this critic that lives rent-free in my head? &nbsp;First, I need to understand what’s real. My fear of writing for The Crone Network isn’t about talent — it’s about exposure. What if no one cares? What if I offend someone? What if I’m not “hip” enough or “educated” enough? Every “what if” piles on another brick of insecurity until I’m trapped inside my own mind and accomplishing nothing. When I feel my confidence slipping, I’ve learned to step away, breathe, and remind myself of the truth: I’ve already done hard things. I’ve overcome worse than a fear of being rejected or the blinking cursor on my computer screen. &nbsp;Even small steps forward count toward the end goal. For instance, I already have a library of subjects neatly organised in an Excel spreadsheet of things to talk about. &nbsp;Another step forward was hiring someone to manage social media and yet another step forward was remembering that I excelled at English and journalism in school. See! Just typing this paragraph has given my self-confidence a nudge in the right direction.<blockquote> The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.― Sylvia Plath</blockquote> Self-doubt will always whisper in my ear, but I don’t have to listen. I’ve failed, I’ve succeeded, and I’ll do both again. What matters is that I keep showing up, keep writing, keep trying. Self-confidence grows every time I push past fear and take the risk anyway. So today, self-doubt can kiss my fat ass. &nbsp;My confidence is back and now this story is ready for publication. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-1lx4o82j0imgoysgb6"><img id="1lx4o82j0imgoysgb6" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1fxDl7gJtKXWwg2VHJV46xrppUUBwUz1Dct51GJ4EK0Y19GyqNKcxey0DVQphngr.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1fxDl7gJtKXWwg2VHJV46xrppUUBwUz1Dct51GJ4EK0Y19GyqNKcxey0DVQphngr.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>

Failure and self doubt

In 2017 I lost a job that I loved. &nbsp;One that supported me for nearly 40 years. &nbsp;A job I didn’t want to leave, but I had to leave because I had been victimised by a narcissist for decades and one day I lost my shit so badly that my doctor put me on disability for 3 months. &nbsp;Sadly, I had to choose my own health over my beloved job and that was that.&nbsp;In the days that followed, I had nothing to do except putter around the house working on projects to keep myself busy. &nbsp;I looked for work, but there were few options for a 60-year-old nearing retirement. &nbsp;There was only so much cleaning I could do and soon, I found myself lost and depressed, wondering what it was I should be doing with my life. &nbsp;I was crying all the time and not sleeping, constantly thinking about all the things that come with losing a major income. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-5eph4luo15rmgkuj4z2" class=""><img id="5eph4luo15rmgkuj4z2" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/19HWk6NkH9yFxNRlUB5hRlbTe7k4zg9ZteUmNtwv3fuI1uU3IIVy6meCfY20nW9d.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/19HWk6NkH9yFxNRlUB5hRlbTe7k4zg9ZteUmNtwv3fuI1uU3IIVy6meCfY20nW9d.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Sometimes, when I’m confused, at a crossroads, or feeling stuck and needing guidance, I use my old set of I Ching cards called The Little Book That Tells the Truth (Richard Gill 1993). &nbsp;If you aren’t familiar with I Ching, it’s an ancient Chinese oracle or means of divination or fortune telling. &nbsp;It may sound silly, but there are times when I cast a reading, and the results are like a “smack upside the head” with stone-cold accuracy.&nbsp;It was dangerous for meEvery reading since the 1990’s is recorded in a journal, and on this particularly dismal day in 2017, I wrote about my job and wanting to ask for the severance pay to which I was entitled. &nbsp;I knew that dealing with my old boss was dangerous for me, so I was reluctant to approach the subject but needed, and earned, that money.<figure id="figure-ajdfqez62mgkul972" class=""><img id="ajdfqez62mgkul972" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39mtLcH7FiQHKT2D8JltNTcWo2CgAjSdbmVLTttzfLmSkL8McJGdDAb2xTMPmROc.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39mtLcH7FiQHKT2D8JltNTcWo2CgAjSdbmVLTttzfLmSkL8McJGdDAb2xTMPmROc.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>The result of my reading told me to stop struggling, and that I should surrender to the situation. It was time for calm and quiet. &nbsp;It took this little book, a trusted confidant, to show me that I was struggling to control the uncontrollable. &nbsp;Trying to control the outcome of me leaving the job was making me miserable with burden and despair. &nbsp;There were no answers.It was now time for me to surrender and give up fighting the stream of energy that was carrying me through this life. &nbsp;I needed to learn how to relax and have faith that everything was going to be ok. &nbsp;It was now time to trust and just “let it be”.Let it beI made the choice to “let it be” and was ready to accept whatever was coming my way. &nbsp;When I started to surrender, it was like opening a set of heavy, dusty drapes to let the sunshine in, then throwing open the windows to let the cool breeze blow through the room. &nbsp;I felt like I could breathe deep again, with clean, invigorating fresh air. A sense of peace washed over me, and I noticed the tension in my shoulders softened and relaxed.The more I started to let it be and address the moment in which I was living instead of imagining what “might” be, the more relaxed and at peace I became. &nbsp;I also found that acknowledging my fears was better than ignoring them, so instead of pushing them away, I locked them in a box to take out when their time of concern arises. &nbsp;I work at not worrying prematurely. &nbsp; &nbsp;Tough conversations can be a struggle for me so I usually start with something like, “Can we talk? &nbsp;I’ve been struggling to have this conversation with you. &nbsp;Please listen and respond when I’m done, is that ok?” &nbsp;At some point in the conversation though, I might see that it’s a no-win situation and the best thing for me is to say, “OK. &nbsp;You win. &nbsp;It’s all good” and then I need to just let it be. My mental and emotional health are far more important than being right.Accept how things areIn a 2024 article called The Benefits of Surrender, Drs Huntington and Davis suggest that surrendering “might look like recognizing that the will of the universe and your own will do not align and that it will be easier to accept how things are unfolding than to continue trying to change them.” (Psychology Today, 07 November 2024)To put this idea to practice, let’s say I have a good friend who is always late for lunch which pisses me off. &nbsp; There’s not much point of getting upset because I already know she’s going to be late, so isn’t it better for me to surrender and accept that my lovely pal will probably be late to her own funeral? &nbsp;Of course, I could confront her, but I adore my friend and considering the possible outcomes of the conversation, I think accepting her annoying quirk is the better option.It takes courage to surrender because I can feel defenceless and exposed, but it also requires strength and determination, and a willingness to just “let it be”. &nbsp;If my husband and I have a disagreement, I will usually be the first to wave the “white flag”. &nbsp;For my own wellbeing, surrendering the argument is my best option. &nbsp;My peace of mind is more important than my pride. &nbsp;Some people need to be right and I’m not one of them.Peace of mind is more importantLetting go isn’t giving up, it’s taking control of myself and how I react to things. &nbsp;I have used the saying, “Let go, let God”, in the past and it helps me loosen the grip of worry that stops me from embracing life. And it works for any spiritual path you have or have not chosen.<figure id="figure-sc6yd0nltmgkup1yu" class=""><img id="sc6yd0nltmgkup1yu" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34wrKrqi7mVu5M7wUft2azxW2PYxQMFSCpE3F6xMtwtLM3dH3JGgGHzNCZtK3sox.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34wrKrqi7mVu5M7wUft2azxW2PYxQMFSCpE3F6xMtwtLM3dH3JGgGHzNCZtK3sox.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>In the case of my good friend who’s always late, surrendering might be like this. &nbsp;“I love you so much, but you need to know that your constant lateness and disregard for my time is rude and annoying. &nbsp;I accept this about you and I’m moving on, but you need to know how I feel.” &nbsp;My surrender has now controlled the entire situation. &nbsp;She knows it’s unacceptable behaviour but that I’m willing to overlook it because I love her (and, she knows all my secrets!!!) &nbsp; I practice surrendering by telling myself, “Di, it’s going to be ok. &nbsp;It’s nothing you can’t handle.” And sometimes I’ll mouth the words, “It’s never as bad as you imagine.” &nbsp;At bedtime, I give thanks and ask that “the signs be clearly shown to me” so I can follow where they lead, but I no longer feel the need to control everything in my life because I have faith that I will be guided to my destination.&nbsp;Another way to look at surrendering is on a more basic level. Let’s say I want to challenge myself at the gym and add another 10kg to my barbell. I’m going to struggle to push those weights above my head and at some point, I’ll need to surrender and stop lifting, but pushing my boundaries within reasonable limits is a sign of personal growth, whether at the gym or in a personal conversation. &nbsp;The struggle is real but the surrender is sweet. &nbsp;<blockquote>Surrender is a journey from outer turmoil to inner peace.— SRI CHINMOY</blockquote><figure id="figure-rvsl91ybwmgkurien" class=""><img id="rvsl91ybwmgkurien" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2eXEnJYIhZCJtD2siMPxbMEdqcaWqkZbYC1kyPQdytDgcD1uEbaFPCVHLO5WocDV.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2eXEnJYIhZCJtD2siMPxbMEdqcaWqkZbYC1kyPQdytDgcD1uEbaFPCVHLO5WocDV.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Life is never a straight line. &nbsp;It’s rarely what I expect and there are always curve balls like leaking roofs and vet bills, insurance payments and flat tires. &nbsp;Recognising that I was fighting a fate over which I had no control was a waste of my precious juju, and it damaged the way I felt about myself and the world around me. &nbsp;I learned that my struggles demonstrate will and determination, and that my surrendering shows bravery and faith in myself and my destiny. &nbsp;&nbsp;These days, it’s just best for me to let it be and stop struggling.&nbsp;<blockquote>What’s fer ya will nae go by ya.An old Scottish saying</blockquote>Note – there are many types of struggles. &nbsp;Some people struggle to put food on the table whilst others struggle as they watch a loved one wither away. &nbsp;This post makes no attempt to compare the struggles of a privileged white woman to those less fortunate than myself. It’s just an example of how I dealt with and continue dealing with difficult situations. &nbsp;1- &nbsp; Psycohology Today<a data-mce-href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202312/the-benefits-of-surrender" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202312/the-benefits-of-surrender" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202312/the-benefits-of-surrender</a>

Struggle and surrender

There’s a grain of truth hidden within the harvesting of wheat. Valuable kernels must be separated from the chaff. Light enough to be carried away in the wind, it’s hollow and ultimately useless. The separation is not decorative; it focuses on value. The modern practice of cutting out the chaff in life is something I have adopted. Trimming life’s excess is bringing me much needed clarity and power. I can finally see growth again, but it’s not easy to let go.<figure id="figure-dv2vlg8p5mgf65qfs"><img id="dv2vlg8p5mgf65qfs" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/9vpuknk789LiV0gli2JfeG2gAlUIvgkmdLL43HJtTF7FkSsWmAmQ23oaAKYTssSL.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/9vpuknk789LiV0gli2JfeG2gAlUIvgkmdLL43HJtTF7FkSsWmAmQ23oaAKYTssSL.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Accumulating chaff happens quietly and without malice. It could come in the form of over commitment, material possessions or even the constant drip feed of social media straight into your veins. My chaff? Toxic relationships. Relationships I would be the first to tell my friends or family to cut at the knees, but I somehow don’t afford myself the same advice. I have a season ticket to the ride of narcissism and it’s time to get off.Let’s talk friendships first. I need a bit of warming up before I slip into the subject of family issues. I absolutely love nothing more than being a supportive friend. I will give you everything I have, physically and mentally, and expect nothing in return.&nbsp;Not setting boundariesThere are no conditions with me. That’s where my downfall is, not setting boundaries and allowing myself to be so open to being take advantage of. They only make contact when they need something. They don’t celebrate your achievements but happy to run up miles in emotional support without even asking how your day is. I find myself condoning their toxic behaviour they are so boastful of because it’s easier to be passive than have the moral balls to tell them the truth. Keeping these types of friendships costs both patience and attention.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-fkvmk146ymgf670z2"><img id="fkvmk146ymgf670z2" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/88ClZyrd1bJQ2D7VOHjh1Nm1N60ijcJEBxEBRwNOkKFEYE8N5TzAwiS2BGyhKCit.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/88ClZyrd1bJQ2D7VOHjh1Nm1N60ijcJEBxEBRwNOkKFEYE8N5TzAwiS2BGyhKCit.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Over the years I constantly ran on empty trying to be the everything they demanded but I finally cut the chaff and started focussing on nurturing the balanced friendships I had. Cutting out one sided or toxic friendships doesn’t mean I am a heartless bitch, it just means I honour the friendships that are reciprocal. It has deepened my bond with people who truly align with my values and support my personal growth. The quality of my friendships matters so much more these days than the quantity. A smaller circle of real connection sustains you in ways a larger diluted crowd rarely does.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-w14mzcwfuomgf6e2g7"><img id="w14mzcwfuomgf6e2g7" src="https://cdn.durable.co/getty/1dYGTzMv1LhYmxWlmCH3pqkNaf5gpCMnpRQEBzNO8IIHnLjGluZcUcMOBI91TyuJ.jpeg" alt="Combine harvester chaff spreader with corn residue being discharged in cornfield." title="Combine harvester chaff spreader with corn residue being discharged in cornfield." class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/getty/1dYGTzMv1LhYmxWlmCH3pqkNaf5gpCMnpRQEBzNO8IIHnLjGluZcUcMOBI91TyuJ.jpeg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Deep routed fearWhen it comes to cutting out the chaff in my family, well that was a much more difficult cut to make. It was more blunt force trauma. Not clean. Not quick. Zero stars, would not revisit. I just often wonder why I let the suffering go on so long. ‘Respect your elders’ was probably the main reason I kept quiet, intertwined with deep rooted fear of the consequences should I ever build up the courage to fight for a happier home life.&nbsp;Parents are meant to be your safe place. Fearing the physical or mental repercussions you face if you, God forbid, you looked in his direction with any sort of attitude. Belt. Breathing quietly in your bunk bed cuddled up to your little brother, making sure you don’t laugh too loud to avoid any angry consequences. Belt. Late home by five minutes as I run as fast as my feet can take me while wetting myself scared of the reaction. Belt. Belt. Belt.&nbsp;Manipulation was the name of the game. With fear there was power. Power he held up until last year when I finally took back my control. The narcissistic mask finally slipped where he was exposed for who he really is, and I was able to finally see the damage he had inflicted. It wasn’t comfortable viewing, and I ended up in a very deep hole. A hole I was convinced I would never be able to crawl out of.&nbsp;Reevaluating my valueBut with the support of my steadfast husband, my fearless mother, my supportive stepfather and the reason I breathe, my son, I am navigating life easier these days. Reaching out for help is never easy but I have found a lot of support through a mental health nurse who I see regularly and the medication I take isn’t a solution but is certainly helping me to push down the fear and let me live a better life. Letting go and reevaluating my value has made more room for a calmer foundation for gentle healing, a clearer mind and hopefully long term sustained wellbeing.<figure id="figure-8d7kxlmx2pmgf6fw88"><img id="8d7kxlmx2pmgf6fw88" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/18G1MA8RW7FuvTKt4H3lZ0CBlnTdmVi3jwGhKRsXRmzMDvY7I4eSe2h0TjdMV1dj.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 100%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="100%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/18G1MA8RW7FuvTKt4H3lZ0CBlnTdmVi3jwGhKRsXRmzMDvY7I4eSe2h0TjdMV1dj.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 100%;"></figure>We all have chaff. Just sit for a moment and think about the chaff you have in your life. Whether its friendships, relationships, financial, material possessions or even digital life. Chaff can come in all shapes and sizes. Some are easier to recognise but harder to release. Clothing bought on a whim, gadgets that you didn’t even unbox and a cupboard full of forgotten memorabilia. They compress the space you live in but can be pruned down by small steps. A monthly charity shop run is a practical first step or even selling unwanted/unused items online.&nbsp;Making room for things that matterCutting the chaff doesn’t always have to be dramatic, you are only making room for the things that matter. Each object in this case that is released is a small reclaiming of space and attention. Financial chaff is often invisible until you look. From subscriptions you signed up for that you forgot about, recurring payments for services you no longer use or a debt that follows you like a dark cloud. Get your head out the sand and deal with it. Get those bank statements and run a short audit. Cancel unused subscriptions, reach out for financial support from professionals and take control of the financial chaff before it takes control of you.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-r3o4sz0iesmgf6hbge"><img id="r3o4sz0iesmgf6hbge" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/7FrJ3QMFkP5Fq3Z5bUdcqgzko59yY9xzha2fBorcyYRgrNyYLGhbP3rAqt7z5fLv.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/7FrJ3QMFkP5Fq3Z5bUdcqgzko59yY9xzha2fBorcyYRgrNyYLGhbP3rAqt7z5fLv.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Cutting life’s chaff is not a one-time act but a practice of regular pruning. Instead of using your energy to mourn what you lose during this process concentrate on celebrating what you keep. New shoots of growth will come, just be patient. Begin with one small cut this week and watch how space grows.So, for me I will continue to prune and remove the chaff in my life when necessary. I can now see my value. I owe myself inner calm. I am the kernel, and so are you.<figure id="figure-sflwrrplemgf6kait"><img id="sflwrrplemgf6kait" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/23B7glnccqYZOvTs1y2lh8uuzcse1JRMITA6oIWH75SCNqc2HCk77yaBjFefl5KX.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl selected" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/23B7glnccqYZOvTs1y2lh8uuzcse1JRMITA6oIWH75SCNqc2HCk77yaBjFefl5KX.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-mce-selected="1"></figure>Copyright © 2025 The Crone Network All rights reserved.

Cutting Out The Chaff

<h3> &nbsp; Women need other women</h3>Like millions of others, I’m addicted to Facebook. I check my memories then my feed every morning with coffee. When we moved to Scotland, I posted photos of our beautiful new country in my favourite group of older women which quickly turned into an offer to host a group of Crones who wanted to cross the pond for some Scottish adventures.&nbsp; &nbsp; There is something magical when a group of older women get together, so I started planning an arranged holiday, crafted some promotional digital “flyers” and got permission to post them in a Facebook group. &nbsp;Over the course of a few weeks, there were over 140 Crones signed up for the trip.&nbsp; &nbsp; But then Covid stopped the world from turning and humanity was thrust into isolation and a whole new way of living. I was forced to cancel the dormitory-style accommodation but asked them to hold the deposit to ensure we had a place to stay when travel was possible again, expecting Covid to end after a few months. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;<h3>Sister-strangers&nbsp; &nbsp;</h3>By the time we were allowed to travel abroad, the once lengthy list had been reduced to just 11 women and me, so I shifted gears and started looking for a smaller accommodation and contacted the vendors needed to organise a successful group vacation for a cluster of sister-stranger Crones.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;<figure id="figure-kr1hwb8bkfmfdrkwft"><img id="kr1hwb8bkfmfdrkwft" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/24M6FnsmwOyVBgBj9wnqciMDXrMeapfPQmtNszFmNUcX3mwhrFFA1cenx99FDUII.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 85%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="85%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/24M6FnsmwOyVBgBj9wnqciMDXrMeapfPQmtNszFmNUcX3mwhrFFA1cenx99FDUII.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 85%;"></figure> &nbsp; Six weeks before the trip, we arranged a video chat so we could meet each other in person. Most of us had never met before so this short online meetup helped to relax any concerns that lingered about the trip. I was able to secure an amazing country house with enough bedrooms to give each Crone her own private space. Everyone was responsible for getting to the Edinburgh Airport where transportation was ready to take us to our home for the week.&nbsp; &nbsp; Some ladies decided to arrive in Edinburgh a few days early, giving them time to explore the ancient city before we met for Crone Fest. &nbsp;Six women worked together to arrange a 3-day guided tour of Glencoe and Skye after our gathering ended, and one travelled on to Ireland! It made sense to extend a visit to Europe if possible, and what started as a group of strangers evolved into fun travel companions and meaningful friendships.&nbsp; <h3>Time to mingle&nbsp;</h3> We arrived at the house mid-afternoon, and our bags were taken to our private rooms, giving us time to mingle for the first time. In the evening, we enjoyed catered “ploughman’s platters” and cocktails were flowing as we told stories about our lives and explored the massive manor which was filled with antiques and interesting memorabilia. A Pennsylvania Crone brought her bagpipes and played a traditional Scottish tune as we enjoyed each other’s company. After a few hours, we each went to our rooms for a much-needed restful sleep. &nbsp; &nbsp; <figure id="figure-1gnz9ojbbgmfdrmjm9"><img id="1gnz9ojbbgmfdrmjm9" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34pGM8EpSXAB5KsnSyLhMpXqlCopEgLZznV5OzYxlo0QUdzYCSJf0zUTwLhLPknX.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 10%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="10%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34pGM8EpSXAB5KsnSyLhMpXqlCopEgLZznV5OzYxlo0QUdzYCSJf0zUTwLhLPknX.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 10%;"></figure> &nbsp; &nbsp; On Sunday morning, I made a “full Scottish breakfast” and we enjoyed coffee and tea around the large kitchen table. The crumpets with butter were so popular, we needed to restock both several times. &nbsp;Crones and crumpets, who knew? &nbsp;The kitchen itself was tricked out with everything a professional chef could imagine. It had an AGA stove, a walk-in refrigerator, and a huge assortment of pots, plates, and glasses in every shape and size. Two professional dishwashers made the community clean-up an easy task, and soon we were off to explore Scotland together. We would meet back each night to share food together and talk about our day. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<figure id="figure-w17id2jewimfdroiww"><img id="w17id2jewimfdroiww" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/14ql9ZVEBAWchjf1xWBdgUt1Ei24iyMYEMj8s6QDGozp3Ndqtvx16qInveBHhfjM.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 25%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="25%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/14ql9ZVEBAWchjf1xWBdgUt1Ei24iyMYEMj8s6QDGozp3Ndqtvx16qInveBHhfjM.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 25%;"></figure> We limited our scheduled activities so we could gather in smaller groups to explore a particular destination. A few women went that way whilst others went this way, and others stayed back at the house to soak in a deep bathtub or cozy up with a book in an overstuffed chair. After we said our goodbyes, I collected photos from and designed and published a Crone Fest book of escapades which has now become a tradition for all who attend.&nbsp;<h3>&nbsp; Bonding experiences&nbsp; &nbsp; </h3>Feeling beautiful is an important part of embracing our age, so for Crone Fest 2024, we had an optional photoshoot with a local professional. The Crones were encouraged to think about how they wanted to be represented, we had assorted fabrics, headpieces, and jewellery on hand for them to use to enhance their look. We found locations in and around the house for our setting and helped each other get ready for our turn. &nbsp;We had fun playing dress-up and now have pictures of ourselves looking fabulous. &nbsp; &nbsp; <figure id="figure-9n8sbvbhlmfdrpqmw"><img id="9n8sbvbhlmfdrpqmw" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/173b1Y7qiDinBgBRcJg7Otzsl6al39QReon0mmh9yPcT6Am4hlgJ8sXNAlvsQQGH.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/173b1Y7qiDinBgBRcJg7Otzsl6al39QReon0mmh9yPcT6Am4hlgJ8sXNAlvsQQGH.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure> &nbsp; Women thrive when they’re together, especially mature women like us who’ve “been there, done that” and don’t have time for bullshit head games. We are authentic when we feel safe, and hundreds of scientific studies have proven the benefits, if not the real need, of female social gathering. &nbsp;Supportive connections improve mental and emotional health because it helps to know we’re not alone in our struggles. &nbsp;Those connections reduce stress and anxiety and help increase self-worth and personal value. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; There’s also space for personal growth within a group of Crones. We share coping strategies, talk about our beliefs, and ways to look inside ourselves and each other for answers. We mentor others when we share and inspire motivation by showing our vulnerability. We can be held accountable for our words and actions within a group of older women, receiving helpful criticism without judgement. Friendships, in whatever capacity, are necessary for a woman’s overall wellbeing. &nbsp; &nbsp; Due to fears of re-entering the US from abroad, we cancelled the 2025 Crone Fest - Scotland and rescheduled for May 2026. There will be a fall Crone Fest in 2026 as well. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; These Scottish gatherings have been hugely successful, and several Crones are returning for another adventure in the spring, but the world needs more Crone Clusters. I’ve seen first-hand how these gatherings uplift us. I’ve read too many stories of older women who feel alone and isolated, and there are too many of us with love to share but no one to share it with. We need more connections, more resources, more useful information, and that’s why I’ve been building The Crone Network. &nbsp;These gatherings are important.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;<h3> Crone Clusters&nbsp; &nbsp;</h3> Wouldn’t it be great if we could have monthly video chats with a small group of Crones? Maybe an overnight stay at a hotel once every few months? What about digital pen-pals or reading groups that have coffee every six weeks at a local café? An online Wine and Whine club where we air our frustrations over glasses of Chardonnay? All we need are donations of time and organising skills to help arrange a Crone Cluster in your region and we’re off to making the world a better place! &nbsp; &nbsp; This has been and will remain, a not-for-profit venture, with a 2026 goal of registering as a charity specifically designed to help older women by providing connections, creativity, story sharing, and useful information. Long-term objectives include a marketplace to sell handmade goods, and a robust resource centre of helpful links, and conversations about developing Crone Community housing.&nbsp; &nbsp; <figure id="figure-abfoswl3j3mfdrs173" class=""><img id="abfoswl3j3mfdrs173" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/90tULolQtn9rh9jhozVwpBVRGe4EooomLXH2c5BSAEyIBRIhcJ4VwbBiDdEr1vuS.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/90tULolQtn9rh9jhozVwpBVRGe4EooomLXH2c5BSAEyIBRIhcJ4VwbBiDdEr1vuS.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure> &nbsp; I can’t imagine life without Crones. To have sisterhood with strangers that don’t judge me and who understand my struggles because they’ve had them too, is truly one of the priceless gifts of Cronehood. But it takes more than a dream to get The Crone Network moving, so I’m looking for your help.&nbsp;<blockquote> &nbsp; &nbsp; “How can your dreams ever come true if you don’t believe in them?” &nbsp; Sam Moore&nbsp; &nbsp;</blockquote> For more information about how you can help The Crone Network, just email contact@thecronenetwork.org so we can talk about the possibilities. Time donations come in slots of 2 or 4 hours and will be customised to maximise your potential. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; If you’re interested in attending either the spring or fall gathering of Crone Fest 2026, please click on the page link above. Space is limited.&nbsp; Copyright © 2025 The Crone Network&nbsp; &nbsp;All rights reserved. &nbsp; &nbsp;

Feel Good Gatherings

Surreal Collage of Woman with Binocular Hands

Was that a twitch? &nbsp; Ahh... &nbsp;the good old days when sex was spontaneous and great fun. I remember it well. Those days are gone but I’m still attracted to people of all shapes and sizes because I’m old, not dead. &nbsp; &nbsp; Some of my friends post photos of handsome men with captions like, “Sharing to my girlfriends, you’re welcome!” &nbsp;but most of those guys do nothing for me. They’re handsome but they don’t have chest hair and they’re too lean for my taste. I’m physically attracted to the bad-boy type of man who could throw me over his shoulder and smack my ass as he carries me away to wonderland. It’s a fantasy, and it’s perfectly normal.&nbsp; &nbsp; My husband is a proud veteran, and we attend regimental gatherings once or twice a year. It’s nice seeing the guys in their kilts and grey beards, but I was introduced to this one guy who still makes me blush. He was big, like a polar bear, and his voice was deep and captivating. He introduced his wife and teenage daughter, then set them on the sofa so he could mingle with his pals, drinking whisky and telling tales of their former glory. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;<figure id="figure-rva18f92enmfdrdznd"><img id="rva18f92enmfdrdznd" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2541MariztozRV2y8a4l41BG9WSkgHwXCAcMpcot26jgGO5g2LhME0ZyU1nQGwJ7.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined% 0%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined%" data-positiony="0%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2541MariztozRV2y8a4l41BG9WSkgHwXCAcMpcot26jgGO5g2LhME0ZyU1nQGwJ7.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined% 0%;"></figure><h3> &nbsp; &nbsp; Heat in my cheeks&nbsp; &nbsp; </h3>While my husband was chatting away about battle scars and old bosses, I sat alone by fireplace when Mr. Polar decided to sit in the oversized chair next to me. I tried to stay calm as we both twisted in our seats to face each other, and I could feel the heat in my cheeks, and to my great surprise, a twitch from my Pearl. &nbsp; &nbsp; He was a bit sloppy with his whisky breath, big, beautiful bushy beard, and protruding belly, but the way his pleated wool kilt draped between his enormous legs had Pearl wondering what was hiding under that heavy fabric. His horsehair and silver sporran* hung between his legs over the kilt, which just added to her excitement. In his booming brogue, he offered me a sip from his flask which I did not refuse. I don’t like whisky, but I swallowed like a champ and the sweetness of the eye candy made up for its nasty taste.&nbsp; &nbsp; If felt obvious that I was swooning over this giant man, but nobody seemed to notice, not even our spouses. We chatted for a while then checked on our spouses and before long, the piper called us for dinner. I was grateful that our hot, steamy voltage exchange was broken because I was quite turned on and I could tell my panties showed evidence that Pearl was in good form despite her age.&nbsp; &nbsp; <figure id="figure-chwwghk5cmmfqsed83"><img id="chwwghk5cmmfqsed83" src="https://cdn.durable.co/getty/38HJuKsSPlq8OjK2sJd1JnmNPpq8QOD8EyZIAekwpuvo6udXDjS99N0V7GOpcZse.jpeg" alt="Piper Wearing Traditional Scottish Dress" title="Piper Wearing Traditional Scottish Dress" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/getty/38HJuKsSPlq8OjK2sJd1JnmNPpq8QOD8EyZIAekwpuvo6udXDjS99N0V7GOpcZse.jpeg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>The piper ushered us into the ballroom where Sam and I found our assigned seats. My discomfort was heightened when Mrs. Polar sat immediately to my right with her husband and daughter to her right. We exchanged pleasantries and there was a small part of my “girl code” ethic that wanted to confess my lusting after her husband. Of course I didn’t say anything, and it was innocent anyway.&nbsp; &nbsp; Most of us had booked rooms for the night at the location, so we continued socialising after dinner. Everyone had formed small groups as the drinking and laughing continued, so I found a seat and just watched everyone enjoying themselves. Within minutes, Mr. Polar came and sat across from me. I was unnerved and twitching and stumbling over my words though he probably didn’t hear me anyway. I took another big swig of his flask, swallowing so hard I nearly spat the amber fluid in his face, and he chuckled to see me in distress as I tried to regain my composure. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; Soon after, Mrs. Polar came to collect her smashed husband and guided his bulk out the door. Sam and I said our “goodnights” and went upstairs to our lovely estate room. &nbsp;We climbed into a comfortable king size bed, and I told him about my attraction to Mr. Polar. He chuckled and reassured me, “I saw you over there acting like a schoolgirl. I knew you’d be attracted to Polar.” &nbsp;He reminded me, “it’s a good thing they were playing the pipes and not the blues. We both know what happens to you during that combo.” and he laughed even harder and reached to grab my left tit for a soft squeeze. We spooned and both had a good night’s sleep.&nbsp; &nbsp; <h3>He only came once a month&nbsp; &nbsp; </h3>This kind of instant attraction has only happened once before. We had an accountant who’d come to the office and prepare our taxes and such. He only came once a month, but we enjoyed deep conversations and laughed a lot together. Neither one of us were happy in our marriages and one day he told me he was divorcing because she had done something cruel and unforgivable. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Some years later, I divorced as well and had a lovely apartment in a nearby seaside town. The Accountant asked me to join him at a local hall for a New Year’s Eve party and I agreed to go. I had never been on this sort of date before, so I was out of my comfort zone. &nbsp;I bought a two-piece dress for this momentous occasion. It was a black silk shift with a black and emerald sheer overdress and was pairing it with black suede pumps and a $2.00 Goodwill evening bag.&nbsp; &nbsp; On New Year’s Eve he arrived early and I wasn’t ready, so I quickly tucked into the bedroom to change into my dress. I played with my hair, wondering if I sure wear it using the crystal clip I bought, or down so my curls sit against the green, so I walked into the living room where he was eating some cookies. Not realising it could be provocative, if lifted my long curls up and then down again and asked, “Should I wear my hair up or down?” He finished chewing his Chips O’hoy and muttered, “I like it up.” &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; We had a wonderful time. The music was fantastic, and we danced all night. We had a sweet wee kiss at midnight but there was no fondling or Frenching involved. I had previously invited him to sleep on the sofa, so he came prepared with a bag and after the cab ride home, we said goodnight and went our separate ways. I made us breakfast the next morning and we had another wee kiss when he left for home. &nbsp; &nbsp; Two weeks went by before he called to ask if he’d left his watch at my place. It seemed weird that he didn’t notice his watch was missing, but I found it in the sofa where he thought it might be. We agreed he’d collect it when we came again to do our books. And before he said goodbye, he sheepishly proclaimed, “You know Di, when you came out in the green dress, I was fully aroused.”&nbsp; &nbsp;<blockquote> “You are never too old to become younger!”&nbsp; Mae West&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; </blockquote>Occasionally you meet someone and there’s an undeniable chemistry that bounces between you. It’s an animal attraction, born in every human being, and it blooms in unintentional smiles and blushed cheeks. It’s innocent but powerful, and there’s no shame in being attracted to other people. It’s the way humans are wired, and there are only a few species that live committed to a single partner. Swans are one of them and I’m not a damn swan. &nbsp; &nbsp; <figure id="figure-olw9kz1bismfdrg0a0" class=""><img id="olw9kz1bismfdrg0a0" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/30QTot3qamrbYtKUcHoEyXIdxYefaR033aPeTBUWTxZfY277MjMhERNkGSVaHa65.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/30QTot3qamrbYtKUcHoEyXIdxYefaR033aPeTBUWTxZfY277MjMhERNkGSVaHa65.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure> &nbsp; After nearly 30 years together, my Sammy still makes me blush from time to time. He knows I’m an innocent flirt and that people often find themselves charmed by someone, whether by intriguing conversation or lusty physical attraction. But when Pearl starts twitching, I’m reminded that I might be old, but I’m certainly not dead. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; *A sporran is a traditional kilt accessory that functions like a small purse for keys and coin, and it helps keep the kilt from blowing up in Scottish winds. It’s not true that the bigger the sporran the bigger a man's cock, well, not in most men’s case.&nbsp; &nbsp; Afterthought- &nbsp; Going through photos of that night to add colour to this juicy tale has reignited Pearl in remembrance of that enchanting, titillating night. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; Afterthought after thought-&nbsp; This story in no way suggests stepping outside your relationships.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; For more about attraction, check out this interesting article about the topic &nbsp; <a data-mce-href="https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attraction-science/" href="https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attraction-science/">https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attraction-science/&nbsp;</a> &nbsp; &nbsp; Copyright © 2025 The Crone Network &nbsp; All rights reserved.

Storytelling

Lowering my expectations

Failure and self doubt

Struggle and surrender

Cutting Out The Chaff

Feel Good Gatherings

I’m old, not dead.