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I’ve always been a “plain Jane” so I don’t know much about fashion beyond watching episodes of Project Runway and Making the Cut. &nbsp;I don’t know what I was thinking when I suggested the topic Fashion Over 50 during a recent writing class with members of Crone Awakening Wisdom. My personal fashion sense is, “It’s clean, it’s just a teeny stain and I’m not going anywhere”, &nbsp;so I needed to look into the subject from different points of view to grasp the concept of fashion over 50.There are hundreds of websites offering tips on how to dress your age, and there are lovely pictures of finely dressed ladies, all perfectly styled and photographed. &nbsp;“Start with the basics” is a standard bullet point for most of these sites; every woman should have black dress pants, a black dress, an evening top or dress, and a nice blazer or jacket. &nbsp;Gosh, my favourite “dress” pants/trousers are over 32 years old and I’ll be wearing them again for whatever appropriate occasion requires me to posh myself up.&nbsp;I used to wear hip huggers with a thick leather belt, but I haven’t worn pants with zippers in about 40 years. Tube tops used to be in fashion too, but now that my boobs are on my belly, I’m better off tucking them into my stretchy leggings and using them as thigh warmers. My hot orange mini skirt was very trendy, but it got me in trouble with the boys and my legs always turned purple during winter recess. Remember blue mascara and Candie’s, those awful wooden shoes we thought were so cool? &nbsp;They were the most uncomfortable shoes ever made, so why did I bother? Because I wanted to follow the trend and be “in fashion”?<figure id="figure-ynj632am0wmgp04v2x" class=""><img id="ynj632am0wmgp04v2x" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1dHp96W492EReqTrh8sO1T8KCpnEtXZt1NEXaJQ5FEzTGzrFYHW142599YwPBk3n.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1dHp96W492EReqTrh8sO1T8KCpnEtXZt1NEXaJQ5FEzTGzrFYHW142599YwPBk3n.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure><h3>This is the reason I wear baggy clothes</h3> Of course, as I aged, my tastes changed and so did my levels of comfort. What worked for me decades ago, doesn’t work for me anymore. This puckered old body doesn’t want a belt, it doesn’t even want a bra! And as much as I might dream about wearing a lacy ruffled top and a pencil skirt, they don’t work for my body and seem very confining to me. The picture of me swaddled tightly and sitting on an oversized red chair put me right off wearing tight clothes. Another side of fashion is shopping, and as much as I love to hunt and gather, we left most of our possessions in the states when we moved to Scotland, and emptying my life of “stuff” was liberating so I’m really thoughtful about what I buy these days. I try to avoid making purchases “just because I like it”. &nbsp;&nbsp;Finding a nice patterned top that’s comfortable, comes in my size, looks decent on me, and isn’t emblazoned with a heart or a city name, can be quite a challenge. &nbsp;And some of the patterns for women my size are just plain ugly and they make me wonder if the buyer had gas that day. A decent quality tunic can cost over £70 ($93)! &nbsp;But when I get lucky and find a top I love slipping over my head, I’ll wear the poor thing until I can read a newspaper through the fabric. I have actually cried over having to dispose of treasured tops. &nbsp;Pathetic? &nbsp;Maybe, but we like what we like.&nbsp; Most zippered pants were too baggy in the ball sack area because I’m short and fat, so leggings are my thing. They come in almost every colour and pattern, and you can get a decent pair on a budget. When I joined the gym I bought a few pairs of sports-type leggings. I call them “miracle pants” because they hold ALL this in so amazingly well. As comfortable as they are, when you’re built like me there’s always the risk of having an exposed “camel belly”. &nbsp;That’s what happened one day at my gym’s Pump class. &nbsp;Little did I know that the seam of my miracle leggings split my belly into two separate portions. I will never be able to unsee the very zoomed-in photo of me lying on that bench.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-bp23einqr1mgp0cy5c"><img id="bp23einqr1mgp0cy5c" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bL3mxPPywHrTRch9n8w2Kzim8Nww0GYnNUINZUKwFsdWeXUAuks0k4PpHjvCble.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bL3mxPPywHrTRch9n8w2Kzim8Nww0GYnNUINZUKwFsdWeXUAuks0k4PpHjvCble.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>The other thing I think about when buying new clothes, is where do the old clothes go to die? Donating a top I can read through isn’t fair to the charity shop. They wouldn’t be able to sell something so well worn, and it would be a waste of the time donated by volunteer workers. Throwing it in the bin like household trash doesn’t seem right either. That’s just more garbage for the Earth to swallow.Here’s an interesting fact. Did you know the fashion industry causes 10% of global industrial pollution? &nbsp;According to The Carbon Literacy Project, the “entire lifecycle of a garment, from manufacturing to transportation to, ultimately, ending up in landfill, in total, releases 1.2 billion tonnes of carbon emissions every year.” &nbsp;Reading stuff like this makes me proud that my fancy pants are 32 years old!<h3>Gaining respect by our appearance</h3>Another fashionable point of view is offered by a young woman who made a video about a friend she thought was pretty. She explains that her friend started wearing makeup and high heels and was suddenly treated with more respect. This young Crone-to-be points out that the patriarchy created and sustains the fashion industry, and that some women may present themselves a certain way to gain more respect from men. This perspective is worth a listen.<a data-mce-href="https://www.facebook.com/reel/1039267077638328" href="https://www.facebook.com/reel/1039267077638328">https://www.facebook.com/reel/1039267077638328</a>And then we Crones need to hear messages like this guy’s view on fashion over 50. "I think that after a certain age your skirt should really be at or below the knee, no matter how beautiful your legs are. It looks more appropriate, and it doesn’t look like you’re trying to look young.” &nbsp;The quote comes from a well-known fashion stylist, Paul Cavaco, who does not wear a skirt.<h3>I'm not a circumstance</h3>The word “appropriate” means “suitable and proper for the circumstances” according to the Oxford Dictionary. One could easily understand that a bright orange skimpy dress wouldn’t be appropriate for most funerals, but I'm not a circumstance and if I want to show my cellulite thighs at the dance club in my short orange dress, that's what I'm going to do. He's welcome to strap on a bra, slip into a grannie dress and some heels and have himself a good time.I also found “rules” for what women over 50 are supposed to wear. In an article by The Guardian called ‘We want to wear what we want, but don’t want to get it wrong’ – how to decode fashion in your 50s.” (March 2023). &nbsp;A company called Hope Fashion, which offers clothes for Crones, had to crowd-fund from their customers because the male dominated &nbsp;industry wouldn't invest in older women. From a business point of view, that’s just dumb because there are 87 million women over 50 living in the UK, the US, and Canada alone!&nbsp; &nbsp;The article goes on to say that many women “have a lot of clothes but feel as if they have nothing to wear – and then feel guilty about it. Their main problem, she says, is that shopping for clothes has become daunting and exhausting.” My view goes back to the industry being patriarchal and wanting us to have a certain look. Maybe we look in the mirror and can’t achieve the standards they've set for us and feel we have "nothing to wear".&nbsp;<h3>She dared to wear cargo pants</h3>While I’m the jeans, t-shirt, and Birkenstocks girl, my cousin Carole had a much higher standard of dress and appearance. Physically, we looked very much alike but we were polar opposites in how we carried ourselves. I always admired her sense of style, especially because she was a large woman. She dared to wear cargo pants/trousers and often wore dresses to work as a school teacher. Her nails and makeup were always on point, while I stopped wearing makeup in the 1980s. Fashion was important to my sweet cousin and it’s one of the things that makes me smile when I think of her.<figure id="figure-210028rvzgmgp0oqcn"><img id="210028rvzgmgp0oqcn" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/37eDJFQTm7iumObqhp4MEDI41dvDAgeuCsdAKxTyRYcpYjQiEnHXPl5vRovF8yBz.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/37eDJFQTm7iumObqhp4MEDI41dvDAgeuCsdAKxTyRYcpYjQiEnHXPl5vRovF8yBz.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>I appreciate art and design in all its glorious forms, and really dig seeing a smartly dressed woman, no matter her size, age, or personal style. Show me sassy, show me your innocence, flaunt your curves, let's see that cleavage, cinch in that belt. And if you just want to look “put together” in a casual way, that’s exactly what you should do. Either way, I will applaud you and tell you how beautiful you are for just being a Crone.&nbsp;But I got news for the testosterone driven fashion industry, baggy and slightly unkept is also a fashion statement and it’s the one I’ve been embracing for decades. Comfort is queen for this feisty old Crone.&nbsp;<a data-mce-href="https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g22876839/fashion-for-women-over-50/" href="https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g22876839/fashion-for-women-over-50/">https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g22876839/fashion-for-women-over-50/</a><a data-mce-href="https://carbonliteracy.com/fast-fashions-carbon-footprint/" href="https://carbonliteracy.com/fast-fashions-carbon-footprint/">https://carbonliteracy.com/fast-fashions-carbon-footprint/</a><a data-mce-href="https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2023/mar/24/how-to-decode-fashion-in-your-50s-women" href="https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2023/mar/24/how-to-decode-fashion-in-your-50s-women">https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2023/mar/24/how-to-decode-fashion-in-your-50s-women</a>

Fashion over 50- Do I have to?

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<h3>What is AI? &nbsp;(Artificial Intelligence)</h3>The term “artificial intelligence” (AI) refers to computer systems that are so advanced they can learn by recognising and processing patterns of information. It’s so good it can interact with humans using a natural, conversational language. It absorbs the information we feed into it, such as Facebook posts and what we buy at the grocery store, and uses that information to educate itself. It’s even begun to think for itself.You’ve probably been using AI without even knowing it. Do you use Alexa or anything voice or face activated? &nbsp;When you type onto your keyboard and it predicts what you’re going to say, that’s AI in action. Spotify uses AI to suggest a playlist just for you. &nbsp;There are good and bad things about AI, but one thing’s for sure, it’s not going away. So maybe we need to think about adapting to this new technology so we’re not left behind. <figure id="figure-7f0qmn72hmh7vo4ow"><img id="7f0qmn72hmh7vo4ow" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31z6DF3koWtxO3382gWTgwgvz7AXPXRi1rDIanyjOhF5CNEN3z9HasQHBGg5Rd5F.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to Kunstliche for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31z6DF3koWtxO3382gWTgwgvz7AXPXRi1rDIanyjOhF5CNEN3z9HasQHBGg5Rd5F.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to Kunstliche for Pexels</figcaption></figure> <h3>The bad stuff</h3>Let’s start with the scary part of AI. &nbsp;Have you heard the word “deepfake” over the last few years? Well, “deepfake” is audio or video intentionally created by artificial intelligence to deceive someone. This is easily done with a snippet of someone’s voice or just a single photo, and the result can be shockingly realistic. Anybody with the right tools can make a deepfake recording of another person that’s so real, viewers will believe what they see and hear. Right now, there are hundreds of fake photos and videos on everything from political views to panty liners and celebrities. Talk about a doppelganger?!Here's an example of a deepfake photo. Notice the very smooth skin on the face and the wonky looking hands.&nbsp;&nbsp;<figure id="figure-tc8z6r6naomh7vtbgb"><img id="tc8z6r6naomh7vtbgb" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3njXa7vZDyClxK1CeFzGGzaU2xpJfhJ3L0vKTI4bTng4ZHExvq8lE6Aj4eVLr9qx.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to public domain" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3njXa7vZDyClxK1CeFzGGzaU2xpJfhJ3L0vKTI4bTng4ZHExvq8lE6Aj4eVLr9qx.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to public domain</figcaption></figure> In an issue of USA Today-Tech&nbsp;(2025), Emmy award winner tech columnist Jennifer Jolly provides this short, very informative video on how to spot deepfake audio and video. It’s worth watching. <figure id="figure-gfa9gaqeumh7w5vfl" class=""><iframe id="gfa9gaqeumh7w5vfl" class="w-full bg-gray-100 h-80 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" allowfullscreen="" data-url="&lt;iframe title=" width="540" height="350" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="https://uw-media.usatoday.com/embed/video/83534558007?placement=snow-embed" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://uw-media.usatoday.com/embed/video/83534558007?placement=snow-embed" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure> Something else to keep in mind is that older people are the biggest target group for AI scams aimed at getting our money and information. Someone gets a “Granny, it’s me” phone call saying they’re stuck and need cash. AI can mimic voices, so was it really your grandchild? We also have a literacy gap with AI technology. We don’t want AI to be smarter than we are, so it’s best to educate ourselves.<h3> </h3><h3>Now for some good news</h3>Although phoney media can make AI a terrifying spectre, there are some great benefits that we shouldn’t ignore. I have been avoiding AI like the plague, but encouraged by a woman in the field, I started with ChatGPT to help me draft some legal documents. It was the first time I intentionally used AI to help me with something, and it was an amazing experience. AI felt a bit like a servant which was very weird, but the information it provided was astonishing. AI makes mistakes, so with something as important as legal documents, I checked the facts against what it generated. It was remarkably accurate.If you want to try AI, just type ChatGPT into your web browser and when you get to it, just ask something specific. For example, you could ask “In the year 1325, at what age were females in Scotland married, and what happened if they didn’t have a dowry? Please create a 2-paragraph summary of your answer.” Be specific with your question. Try typing, “Please create a printable how-to for fixing my toilet.” It will probably ask you what the problem is so it can provide you with accurate instructions.Another benefit of AI is challenging mind games that help to keep our brains engaged. And there’s more! In a great article published by 50 Plus&nbsp;(July2025) “There are AI tools that can help you budget, track subscriptions, or organise your digital files — including the ones you forgot were sitting in a folder marked ‘Important!’ from 2017. Tools like Notion AI and Reclaim can become a digital second brain, keeping everything in one place and prompting you when things need doing.” &nbsp;They also have a summary of areas in our life that can benefit we older gals.There have been big advances in medical diagnostics using AI platforms. Although this is new technology, one study shows significant increases in cancer findings. In the article Five AI Innovations That Will Redefine Healthcare in 2025 (Forbes, February 2025), they state “With AI support, radiologists increased breast cancer detection by 17.6% and lowered recall rates. Additionally, the AI group had a higher positive predictive value for recalls than the control group.” This is great news for women! <figure id="figure-cjwl745xk7mh7wc4it"><img id="cjwl745xk7mh7wc4it" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31LrtXMNOeFaiPEmulUI3mlNSCVfaAdDHfz4x90PLxYtsX4QEiQ39wdT3tLw9NiM.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to public domain " data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31LrtXMNOeFaiPEmulUI3mlNSCVfaAdDHfz4x90PLxYtsX4QEiQ39wdT3tLw9NiM.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to public domain</figcaption></figure> Many believe the future will be filled with breakthroughs thanks to advancements in AI technology. Some believe it will completely transform patient healthcare with improved diagnostic accuracy, better patient monitoring, and more efficient workflows which will ease the backlogs for patients seeking treatment.&nbsp;Another big advancement in AI is the invention of “emotional companions”. &nbsp;These devices can hold conversations with you, reminds you of birthdays and to take your meds. I watched one example of a woman telling her companion that she was feeling down, and the machine spoke back in a soft, calming voice, helped her to regulate her breath and asked if she’d like to hear some music. Another video showed a woman asking her companion “I have shrimp and mushrooms in the fridge, what can I make for dinner?” Memory care patients have shown promising results by engaging with AI tools that help them feel less isolated and alone.There are several AI home devices that you may already be using. Amazon’s Echo series offers a range of “assistants” with products that are simple or more sophisticated. &nbsp;Prices are surprisingly affordable with the top-of-the-line costing about £250 for the devices with screens for video chatting. The service is free, but you must have an Amazon Prime account. We pay £8.99/month.<figure id="figure-rdp2drd8mnmh7wer1p"><img id="rdp2drd8mnmh7wer1p" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35gpIPNVp2uLLSBvGK7E6DQp1rYxA6Mz32CagCihJSjUEkrSaDoRVPsXbN24OZnl.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to Kindel Media for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35gpIPNVp2uLLSBvGK7E6DQp1rYxA6Mz32CagCihJSjUEkrSaDoRVPsXbN24OZnl.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to Kindel Media for Pexels</figcaption></figure>For something high level, there’s an AI device called Elli*Q which is currently sold in the US (expanding to the UK and Canada soon). With a price point of about $900, it tracks medications, shares photos and messages, and has community activities like bingo. The monthly subscription of $40-60 can be rich for some budgets, but it looks fun and seems very interactive. There appears to be a 1-year contract after which you can pay month to month or cancel. Some people may qualify for free or reduced service fees. Check the link below for more information about Elli*Q.If you’re interested in learning how AI can enhance your every day, AIReviewly has published a fantastic list of AI apps that are broken down into categories. There’s some helpful information about what each app does and the estimated cost of running them. See below for their list with clickable links straight to the companies selling the tech. <h3>Don't be fooled</h3>There are some key things to remember when trying to decide if something is AI generated, like a field of flowers, or if it's a misleading deepfake. Does it make sense?&nbsp;Assume everything is a fake until you can verify it from reliable sources. Would Mother Teresa say she bought at AR15? Use Google to fact check it. What about the scene?Are there shadows where you expect them? &nbsp;If it’s windy and the trees are blowing but someone’s hair isn’t? Skies are beautiful, but is this over the top? Look at the details closely.Zoom in. AI is terrible at recreating hands, especially fingers. Details are often unusual, like an eye looking wonky or a dolphin with two noses. What is the source?If the source is from a name you know, like ABC, Reuters, CBC or BBC, it is more likely to be real. But if the source is mrsbaloney@tiktok, it might not be real. Question it.Bodycam and doorbell cameras hide a lot of AI flaws, so be wary of those videos in particular. Watch forDisappearing hands and things like weird looking signs or flickering bits. &nbsp;If words don't sync with a moving mouth, be suspicious.&nbsp; Should you report deepfakes?You can report deepfakes, but investigators will only be interested in significant issues that are worth their time, so consider your level of concern carefully. Acts of financial fraud or intention to harm should always be reported.&nbsp;In the UK, you can get in touch with Police.UK for more information about deepfakes, fraud, scams, and other illegal online activities.www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/online-safety/online-safety/deepfakes-what-is-a-deepfake/deepfakes-reporting-it-to-us/In the US, things are a bit more complicated, but for more information check outhttps://firstamendment.mtsu.edu/post/dealing-with-deepfakes-what-the-first-amendment-says/In Canada, you can report deepfakes to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre is you suspect fraud or cybercrime.https://antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca/index-eng.htm <h3>Toggle off or off grid?</h3>In some cases, you can block AI interaction. Do a search for your device and instructions to turn off the technology. You can usually do that in your settings on your device. Remember that AI is already working behind the scenes in many different arenas, so it will be hard to rid ourselves of this growing technology. The only way to avoid AI is to go off grid. <figure id="figure-vrhz3yptrmh7x5fxo"><img id="vrhz3yptrmh7x5fxo" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/11oU9mZTxqmWQPcNxctgwjfPHYZWgcJzIlrO8uOvXeq40UpUJyiK0rIGcGq4S9sk.jpg" alt="Greenhouse Sanctuary in the Forest" title="Greenhouse Sanctuary in the Forest" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to Randy Ortiz for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/11oU9mZTxqmWQPcNxctgwjfPHYZWgcJzIlrO8uOvXeq40UpUJyiK0rIGcGq4S9sk.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to Randy Ortiz for Pexels</figcaption></figure> I don’t want to submit to artificial intelligence. Gosh, I have a hard enough time managing my own intelligence. But in my view, we don’t have a choice. It’s here and it’s either going to be great or its going to suck. We older gals don’t want to be swept up in the tide of AI so it’s best that we learn what we can and use AI tools to our advantage.Of course, we can always give our phones away, sell our TVs and computers, and live a quiet life in the country without devices of any kind. Just stop using technology entirely. But consider the consequences carefully.I’m not giving up my spreadsheets or handwritten notes, but I’m going to embrace AI carefully and pay attention to what’s real and what’s fake. Here’s a bit more info you might find helpful.&nbsp;&nbsp;2 https://www.50plusmagazine.co.uk/10-ways-ai-can-empower-you-after-50-at-work-at-home-and-everywhere-in-between/ 3 https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbestechcouncil/2025/02/28/five-ai-innovations-that-will-redefine-healthcare-in-2025/ 4 https://elliq.com/pages/free 5 https://aireviewly.com/rankings/ai-for-seniors.html

The Age of AI (Artificial Intelligence)

Japanese businesswoman checking the time on her wristwatch

Before I moved to Scotland from New Jersey, I joined a couple Facebook groups of American women living in the UK and groups of people who were applying for UK Visa's. It was helpful to read their experiences and learn the process of moving to a new country, and it gave me insight into life as an American living here. There were lots of posts about schools (many are on work or education visas), and there were a few posts about calling cookies “biscuits” and how hard it is to find Mexican food. When they started talking about searching for American-type dill pickles, I jumped right into the conversation, I mean, my grandfather used to call me “pickle puss” because I enjoyed them so much. But there were other discussions that caused me to worry a bit, and that was the struggle for some women to develop friendships. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-xartt1uorimh1vsf0h" class=""><img id="xartt1uorimh1vsf0h" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39Y6l5QbIcVI17OEqwxjS6JdRFWLK6gk9mLuRG41gjsr72E3EY0n74Kw1845kKG2.png" alt="Older woman with worried face is looking out a window" title="Older woman with worried face is looking out a window" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to: Teona Swift for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39Y6l5QbIcVI17OEqwxjS6JdRFWLK6gk9mLuRG41gjsr72E3EY0n74Kw1845kKG2.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to: Teona Swift for Pexels</figcaption></figure><h3> I was worried</h3> Reading those posts had me worried that l'd be here, alone with my husband, without girlfriends to bitch and complain about him, or talk about sleepless nights, pain in the ass family, or sexy romance novels. I kept my expectations low and held faith that I was a people person and surely, somebody will like me. Surely......Six years later, I’m sitting in the comfy Cosy that my husband had built for me, enjoying a glass of Montepulciano de A’Bruzzo and thinking about the abundance of friends I have made here in Scotland. The experiences of those other American women were not my experiences at all, but I’m happy that I kept my expectations low because in my view, they usually end up with pain and disappointment.&nbsp; <figure id="figure-0dzxbg316imh1vv17u" class=""><img id="0dzxbg316imh1vv17u" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bBumquciHU7QN2AFRB0zkdZD3zwxBkOWaumOiLKhnMza80uUWtOgWohisAzljas.png" alt="A lighted office shed" title="A lighted office shed" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="The Cosy at night" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bBumquciHU7QN2AFRB0zkdZD3zwxBkOWaumOiLKhnMza80uUWtOgWohisAzljas.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">The Cosy at night</figcaption></figure> Expectation comes in all shapes and sizes. There’s the expectation that my dinner guests will show up on time. We agreed on a time and date so it’s reasonable to believe they would be here when the chicken comes out of the oven. Of course, even the most honourable intentions can go astray, so if my dinner guests message me to say they’re running late due to road construction, my disappointment turns to understanding and my expectations are met without further concern.&nbsp;Sam and I have everything we want and need (so grateful), but when he didn't buy me a birthday present, I got the feeling that I’m not important enough for him to go out of his way. But I know that's not true because he shows me in many other ways how much he treasures me.&nbsp; &nbsp;Expecting a relative to send me a “Happy Birthday, Di. Love, your relative,” email is one thing, but expecting them to ask about my life in Scotland is another, especially when they have already demonstrated a complete lack of interest. If the shoe were on the other foot and they moved to a different country, I would ask about their life. But is it fair to expect them to do the same?<h3>Expecting too much</h3>In my humble view, expectations are based on 2 different scenarios. &nbsp;First, if you say you're going to do something I will expect you to do it, to keep your word. That's an easy expectation to have, for someone to actually do what they say. The 2nd type of expectation is more complicated, and I recently came to realise that expecting people to be like me is a form of judgement.A perfect example of this was how we approached a loved one when Alzheimer's really started to affect their wellbeing. I took it upon myself to call them everyday because I could tell they were scared and bored and helpless, but when I wasn’t able to phone, I begged my family to call in my place, just to keep our loved one occupied for a few minutes.&nbsp;They never stepped up in the way I had expected. I was crushed with guilt and pain for my loved one who needed their support with just making a phone call, but it's been some years now and I've come to understand that my thinking was flawed. Just because I would do it doesn't mean they would, and that's perfectly ok. I no longer feel the need to compare myself to them or vice versa, which by osmosis, seemed to lower my expectations of them.&nbsp;<blockquote> “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”&nbsp;– Harriet Morgan </blockquote>Understanding how expectations work has helped me navigate emotions of disregard and other bad juju that comes with feeling let down. It’s given me a greater appreciation of the differences between individuals too. My husband is one of the kindest, most generous people I know, but he has demonstrated a lack of interest in buying me gifts. Okay.&nbsp; So now my choices are to get upset or to change the way I react to his lack of effort. I'd rather not let it bother me.When I consider all the facts in our marriage, not buying a gift isn't a big deal. I can easily buy myself anything, anytime, so that's what I do. Instead of feeling hurt and expecting my love to change his unimaginative behaviour, I made the choice to release my grip on gift-buying expectations. Sometimes people aren't gift buyers... so what? He makes up for it by dressing in black and doing the paso doble' in the living room. He's so sexy with the black accentuating his thick, grey beard, and seeing him dance so joyfully makes me giggle. And that makes him happy and I'm good with that. Plus, I bought myself some thick wool socks last year for the holidays and they are perfect!&nbsp;Another consideration of expectations is the worry factor. I was invited to a BBQ to honour an elderly family member, but the hostess and I stopped talking to each other years ago over some misunderstanding. She was quite aggressive at the time so my expectations were high that there would be another conflict. &nbsp;My worrying almost made me stay home, but I went to the BBQ and it was wonderful. She and I renewed our relationship and we’ve been great ever since. Worrying about something rarely lives up to the negative hype that expectations deliver.&nbsp;&nbsp; <figure id="figure-h4vhkomjfmh1vzigx"><img id="h4vhkomjfmh1vzigx" src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/38rk5KqYaHZwpSXXHDQSwZDOP0vyIx6GtJukP8jb1rFKCFL49S1254OYd9c5gC4h.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/38rk5KqYaHZwpSXXHDQSwZDOP0vyIx6GtJukP8jb1rFKCFL49S1254OYd9c5gC4h.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure> What I've learned about expectations is that we're all unique individuals so it's not fair to judge people by the standards I set for myself.&nbsp; By expecting very little, I've significantly reduced the levels and frequency of feeling disapointed, and my stress and worry are massively reduced.&nbsp; &nbsp; I’m going to keep my expectations and judgements lowered, and I'm going to increase my appreciation of others and their individual uniqueness.&nbsp; I hope others will offer me the same kindness, but I'm not going to expect it.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;

Lowering my expectations

My mom suffered from crippling low self-esteem. For years, I thought she preferred restaurant booths because they were more comfortable, but I later realised it was because she didn’t want people to see her “fat ass”.&nbsp; My mother was beautiful — light blue Elizabeth Taylor eyes, thick brunette hair, and a shapely figure. Yet she couldn’t see any of it. &nbsp;It was only when Alzheimer's stole her memory that she released her grip on self-doubt and gave up caring how she looked. She asked me once, “Where did you get your self-confidence? Maybe I absorbed all hers, &nbsp;I don’t know.<figure id="figure-w6lqj6on1emgoymmg5"><img id="w6lqj6on1emgoymmg5" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/217NoEdKxLuAjruq46Flkfzt9H5uk8Sq5Va9DU7FzAhoQvXES50ifd8bOBsJO2OU.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/217NoEdKxLuAjruq46Flkfzt9H5uk8Sq5Va9DU7FzAhoQvXES50ifd8bOBsJO2OU.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Even someone with a healthy sense of self-worth can be ambushed by doubt. Today, I’m questioning my ability to write stories worthy of The Crone Network. I have three finished pieces sitting on my desk, but I’m afraid to release them. What if they’re boring? What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail — again? So I’m writing this story about self-doubt hoping it helps me understand why it has such a hold on me today and maybe, just maybe, it helps someone else loosen its hold too. It zooms in on mistakes People describe me as kind, generous, and friendly, but that’s not enough to drag me from the depths of not believing in myself. &nbsp;The self-doubt remains. I built a successful career and became a “boss lady”, but some of my ideas were a flop and lost money. &nbsp;It was embarrassing and self-doubt moved into my thinking and completely forgot that I wasn’t the only one responsible. &nbsp;That’s what self-doubt does. It zooms in on my mistakes and ignores successes until I start believing I’m not capable.<figure id="figure-d447za9xnmgoyq6ay"><img id="d447za9xnmgoyq6ay" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2deYdu4ZWhEoMWfneaVPhsTZt67nAwAsKlSijRVkT6SBvNd7WLuZNHEcmGAeysiX.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2deYdu4ZWhEoMWfneaVPhsTZt67nAwAsKlSijRVkT6SBvNd7WLuZNHEcmGAeysiX.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>For a long time, I saw those moments as proof I wasn’t good enough. &nbsp;But now that I’m a Crone, I recognise the resilience, courage, and the refusal to quit I displayed. Each failure could have been the end, but I survived them all and maybe those are the small victories I need to remember so self-doubt doesn’t stop me from believing in myself. So where does this leave me now? &nbsp;What have I learned about this critic that lives rent-free in my head? &nbsp;First, I need to understand what’s real. My fear of writing for The Crone Network isn’t about talent — it’s about exposure. What if no one cares? What if I offend someone? What if I’m not “hip” enough or “educated” enough? Every “what if” piles on another brick of insecurity until I’m trapped inside my own mind and accomplishing nothing. When I feel my confidence slipping, I’ve learned to step away, breathe, and remind myself of the truth: I’ve already done hard things. I’ve overcome worse than a fear of being rejected or the blinking cursor on my computer screen. &nbsp;Even small steps forward count toward the end goal. For instance, I already have a library of subjects neatly organised in an Excel spreadsheet of things to talk about. &nbsp;Another step forward was hiring someone to manage social media and yet another step forward was remembering that I excelled at English and journalism in school. See! Just typing this paragraph has given my self-confidence a nudge in the right direction.<blockquote> The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.― Sylvia Plath</blockquote> Self-doubt will always whisper in my ear, but I don’t have to listen. I’ve failed, I’ve succeeded, and I’ll do both again. What matters is that I keep showing up, keep writing, keep trying. Self-confidence grows every time I push past fear and take the risk anyway. So today, self-doubt can kiss my fat ass. &nbsp;My confidence is back and now this story is ready for publication. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-1lx4o82j0imgoysgb6"><img id="1lx4o82j0imgoysgb6" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1fxDl7gJtKXWwg2VHJV46xrppUUBwUz1Dct51GJ4EK0Y19GyqNKcxey0DVQphngr.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1fxDl7gJtKXWwg2VHJV46xrppUUBwUz1Dct51GJ4EK0Y19GyqNKcxey0DVQphngr.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>

Failure and self doubt

In 2017 I lost a job that I loved. &nbsp;One that supported me for nearly 40 years. &nbsp;A job I didn’t want to leave, but I had to leave because I had been victimised by a narcissist for decades and one day I lost my shit so badly that my doctor put me on disability for 3 months. &nbsp;Sadly, I had to choose my own health over my beloved job and that was that.&nbsp;In the days that followed, I had nothing to do except putter around the house working on projects to keep myself busy. &nbsp;I looked for work, but there were few options for a 60-year-old nearing retirement. &nbsp;There was only so much cleaning I could do and soon, I found myself lost and depressed, wondering what it was I should be doing with my life. &nbsp;I was crying all the time and not sleeping, constantly thinking about all the things that come with losing a major income. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-5eph4luo15rmgkuj4z2" class=""><img id="5eph4luo15rmgkuj4z2" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/19HWk6NkH9yFxNRlUB5hRlbTe7k4zg9ZteUmNtwv3fuI1uU3IIVy6meCfY20nW9d.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/19HWk6NkH9yFxNRlUB5hRlbTe7k4zg9ZteUmNtwv3fuI1uU3IIVy6meCfY20nW9d.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Sometimes, when I’m confused, at a crossroads, or feeling stuck and needing guidance, I use my old set of I Ching cards called The Little Book That Tells the Truth (Richard Gill 1993). &nbsp;If you aren’t familiar with I Ching, it’s an ancient Chinese oracle or means of divination or fortune telling. &nbsp;It may sound silly, but there are times when I cast a reading, and the results are like a “smack upside the head” with stone-cold accuracy.&nbsp;It was dangerous for meEvery reading since the 1990’s is recorded in a journal, and on this particularly dismal day in 2017, I wrote about my job and wanting to ask for the severance pay to which I was entitled. &nbsp;I knew that dealing with my old boss was dangerous for me, so I was reluctant to approach the subject but needed, and earned, that money.<figure id="figure-ajdfqez62mgkul972" class=""><img id="ajdfqez62mgkul972" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39mtLcH7FiQHKT2D8JltNTcWo2CgAjSdbmVLTttzfLmSkL8McJGdDAb2xTMPmROc.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39mtLcH7FiQHKT2D8JltNTcWo2CgAjSdbmVLTttzfLmSkL8McJGdDAb2xTMPmROc.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>The result of my reading told me to stop struggling, and that I should surrender to the situation. It was time for calm and quiet. &nbsp;It took this little book, a trusted confidant, to show me that I was struggling to control the uncontrollable. &nbsp;Trying to control the outcome of me leaving the job was making me miserable with burden and despair. &nbsp;There were no answers.It was now time for me to surrender and give up fighting the stream of energy that was carrying me through this life. &nbsp;I needed to learn how to relax and have faith that everything was going to be ok. &nbsp;It was now time to trust and just “let it be”.Let it beI made the choice to “let it be” and was ready to accept whatever was coming my way. &nbsp;When I started to surrender, it was like opening a set of heavy, dusty drapes to let the sunshine in, then throwing open the windows to let the cool breeze blow through the room. &nbsp;I felt like I could breathe deep again, with clean, invigorating fresh air. A sense of peace washed over me, and I noticed the tension in my shoulders softened and relaxed.The more I started to let it be and address the moment in which I was living instead of imagining what “might” be, the more relaxed and at peace I became. &nbsp;I also found that acknowledging my fears was better than ignoring them, so instead of pushing them away, I locked them in a box to take out when their time of concern arises. &nbsp;I work at not worrying prematurely. &nbsp; &nbsp;Tough conversations can be a struggle for me so I usually start with something like, “Can we talk? &nbsp;I’ve been struggling to have this conversation with you. &nbsp;Please listen and respond when I’m done, is that ok?” &nbsp;At some point in the conversation though, I might see that it’s a no-win situation and the best thing for me is to say, “OK. &nbsp;You win. &nbsp;It’s all good” and then I need to just let it be. My mental and emotional health are far more important than being right.Accept how things areIn a 2024 article called The Benefits of Surrender, Drs Huntington and Davis suggest that surrendering “might look like recognizing that the will of the universe and your own will do not align and that it will be easier to accept how things are unfolding than to continue trying to change them.” (Psychology Today, 07 November 2024)To put this idea to practice, let’s say I have a good friend who is always late for lunch which pisses me off. &nbsp; There’s not much point of getting upset because I already know she’s going to be late, so isn’t it better for me to surrender and accept that my lovely pal will probably be late to her own funeral? &nbsp;Of course, I could confront her, but I adore my friend and considering the possible outcomes of the conversation, I think accepting her annoying quirk is the better option.It takes courage to surrender because I can feel defenceless and exposed, but it also requires strength and determination, and a willingness to just “let it be”. &nbsp;If my husband and I have a disagreement, I will usually be the first to wave the “white flag”. &nbsp;For my own wellbeing, surrendering the argument is my best option. &nbsp;My peace of mind is more important than my pride. &nbsp;Some people need to be right and I’m not one of them.Peace of mind is more importantLetting go isn’t giving up, it’s taking control of myself and how I react to things. &nbsp;I have used the saying, “Let go, let God”, in the past and it helps me loosen the grip of worry that stops me from embracing life. And it works for any spiritual path you have or have not chosen.<figure id="figure-sc6yd0nltmgkup1yu" class=""><img id="sc6yd0nltmgkup1yu" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34wrKrqi7mVu5M7wUft2azxW2PYxQMFSCpE3F6xMtwtLM3dH3JGgGHzNCZtK3sox.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/34wrKrqi7mVu5M7wUft2azxW2PYxQMFSCpE3F6xMtwtLM3dH3JGgGHzNCZtK3sox.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>In the case of my good friend who’s always late, surrendering might be like this. &nbsp;“I love you so much, but you need to know that your constant lateness and disregard for my time is rude and annoying. &nbsp;I accept this about you and I’m moving on, but you need to know how I feel.” &nbsp;My surrender has now controlled the entire situation. &nbsp;She knows it’s unacceptable behaviour but that I’m willing to overlook it because I love her (and, she knows all my secrets!!!) &nbsp; I practice surrendering by telling myself, “Di, it’s going to be ok. &nbsp;It’s nothing you can’t handle.” And sometimes I’ll mouth the words, “It’s never as bad as you imagine.” &nbsp;At bedtime, I give thanks and ask that “the signs be clearly shown to me” so I can follow where they lead, but I no longer feel the need to control everything in my life because I have faith that I will be guided to my destination.&nbsp;Another way to look at surrendering is on a more basic level. Let’s say I want to challenge myself at the gym and add another 10kg to my barbell. I’m going to struggle to push those weights above my head and at some point, I’ll need to surrender and stop lifting, but pushing my boundaries within reasonable limits is a sign of personal growth, whether at the gym or in a personal conversation. &nbsp;The struggle is real but the surrender is sweet. &nbsp;<blockquote>Surrender is a journey from outer turmoil to inner peace.— SRI CHINMOY</blockquote><figure id="figure-rvsl91ybwmgkurien" class=""><img id="rvsl91ybwmgkurien" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2eXEnJYIhZCJtD2siMPxbMEdqcaWqkZbYC1kyPQdytDgcD1uEbaFPCVHLO5WocDV.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2eXEnJYIhZCJtD2siMPxbMEdqcaWqkZbYC1kyPQdytDgcD1uEbaFPCVHLO5WocDV.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Life is never a straight line. &nbsp;It’s rarely what I expect and there are always curve balls like leaking roofs and vet bills, insurance payments and flat tires. &nbsp;Recognising that I was fighting a fate over which I had no control was a waste of my precious juju, and it damaged the way I felt about myself and the world around me. &nbsp;I learned that my struggles demonstrate will and determination, and that my surrendering shows bravery and faith in myself and my destiny. &nbsp;&nbsp;These days, it’s just best for me to let it be and stop struggling.&nbsp;<blockquote>What’s fer ya will nae go by ya.An old Scottish saying</blockquote>Note – there are many types of struggles. &nbsp;Some people struggle to put food on the table whilst others struggle as they watch a loved one wither away. &nbsp;This post makes no attempt to compare the struggles of a privileged white woman to those less fortunate than myself. It’s just an example of how I dealt with and continue dealing with difficult situations. &nbsp;1- &nbsp; Psycohology Today<a data-mce-href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202312/the-benefits-of-surrender" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202312/the-benefits-of-surrender" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202312/the-benefits-of-surrender</a>

Struggle and surrender

There’s a grain of truth hidden within the harvesting of wheat. Valuable kernels must be separated from the chaff. Light enough to be carried away in the wind, it’s hollow and ultimately useless. The separation is not decorative; it focuses on value. The modern practice of cutting out the chaff in life is something I have adopted. Trimming life’s excess is bringing me much needed clarity and power. I can finally see growth again, but it’s not easy to let go.<figure id="figure-dv2vlg8p5mgf65qfs"><img id="dv2vlg8p5mgf65qfs" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/9vpuknk789LiV0gli2JfeG2gAlUIvgkmdLL43HJtTF7FkSsWmAmQ23oaAKYTssSL.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/9vpuknk789LiV0gli2JfeG2gAlUIvgkmdLL43HJtTF7FkSsWmAmQ23oaAKYTssSL.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Accumulating chaff happens quietly and without malice. It could come in the form of over commitment, material possessions or even the constant drip feed of social media straight into your veins. My chaff? Toxic relationships. Relationships I would be the first to tell my friends or family to cut at the knees, but I somehow don’t afford myself the same advice. I have a season ticket to the ride of narcissism and it’s time to get off.Let’s talk friendships first. I need a bit of warming up before I slip into the subject of family issues. I absolutely love nothing more than being a supportive friend. I will give you everything I have, physically and mentally, and expect nothing in return.&nbsp;Not setting boundariesThere are no conditions with me. That’s where my downfall is, not setting boundaries and allowing myself to be so open to being take advantage of. They only make contact when they need something. They don’t celebrate your achievements but happy to run up miles in emotional support without even asking how your day is. I find myself condoning their toxic behaviour they are so boastful of because it’s easier to be passive than have the moral balls to tell them the truth. Keeping these types of friendships costs both patience and attention.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-fkvmk146ymgf670z2"><img id="fkvmk146ymgf670z2" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/88ClZyrd1bJQ2D7VOHjh1Nm1N60ijcJEBxEBRwNOkKFEYE8N5TzAwiS2BGyhKCit.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/88ClZyrd1bJQ2D7VOHjh1Nm1N60ijcJEBxEBRwNOkKFEYE8N5TzAwiS2BGyhKCit.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Over the years I constantly ran on empty trying to be the everything they demanded but I finally cut the chaff and started focussing on nurturing the balanced friendships I had. Cutting out one sided or toxic friendships doesn’t mean I am a heartless bitch, it just means I honour the friendships that are reciprocal. It has deepened my bond with people who truly align with my values and support my personal growth. The quality of my friendships matters so much more these days than the quantity. A smaller circle of real connection sustains you in ways a larger diluted crowd rarely does.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-w14mzcwfuomgf6e2g7"><img id="w14mzcwfuomgf6e2g7" src="https://cdn.durable.co/getty/1dYGTzMv1LhYmxWlmCH3pqkNaf5gpCMnpRQEBzNO8IIHnLjGluZcUcMOBI91TyuJ.jpeg" alt="Combine harvester chaff spreader with corn residue being discharged in cornfield." title="Combine harvester chaff spreader with corn residue being discharged in cornfield." class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/getty/1dYGTzMv1LhYmxWlmCH3pqkNaf5gpCMnpRQEBzNO8IIHnLjGluZcUcMOBI91TyuJ.jpeg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Deep routed fearWhen it comes to cutting out the chaff in my family, well that was a much more difficult cut to make. It was more blunt force trauma. Not clean. Not quick. Zero stars, would not revisit. I just often wonder why I let the suffering go on so long. ‘Respect your elders’ was probably the main reason I kept quiet, intertwined with deep rooted fear of the consequences should I ever build up the courage to fight for a happier home life.&nbsp;Parents are meant to be your safe place. Fearing the physical or mental repercussions you face if you, God forbid, you looked in his direction with any sort of attitude. Belt. Breathing quietly in your bunk bed cuddled up to your little brother, making sure you don’t laugh too loud to avoid any angry consequences. Belt. Late home by five minutes as I run as fast as my feet can take me while wetting myself scared of the reaction. Belt. Belt. Belt.&nbsp;Manipulation was the name of the game. With fear there was power. Power he held up until last year when I finally took back my control. The narcissistic mask finally slipped where he was exposed for who he really is, and I was able to finally see the damage he had inflicted. It wasn’t comfortable viewing, and I ended up in a very deep hole. A hole I was convinced I would never be able to crawl out of.&nbsp;Reevaluating my valueBut with the support of my steadfast husband, my fearless mother, my supportive stepfather and the reason I breathe, my son, I am navigating life easier these days. Reaching out for help is never easy but I have found a lot of support through a mental health nurse who I see regularly and the medication I take isn’t a solution but is certainly helping me to push down the fear and let me live a better life. Letting go and reevaluating my value has made more room for a calmer foundation for gentle healing, a clearer mind and hopefully long term sustained wellbeing.<figure id="figure-8d7kxlmx2pmgf6fw88"><img id="8d7kxlmx2pmgf6fw88" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/18G1MA8RW7FuvTKt4H3lZ0CBlnTdmVi3jwGhKRsXRmzMDvY7I4eSe2h0TjdMV1dj.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 100%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="100%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/18G1MA8RW7FuvTKt4H3lZ0CBlnTdmVi3jwGhKRsXRmzMDvY7I4eSe2h0TjdMV1dj.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 100%;"></figure>We all have chaff. Just sit for a moment and think about the chaff you have in your life. Whether its friendships, relationships, financial, material possessions or even digital life. Chaff can come in all shapes and sizes. Some are easier to recognise but harder to release. Clothing bought on a whim, gadgets that you didn’t even unbox and a cupboard full of forgotten memorabilia. They compress the space you live in but can be pruned down by small steps. A monthly charity shop run is a practical first step or even selling unwanted/unused items online.&nbsp;Making room for things that matterCutting the chaff doesn’t always have to be dramatic, you are only making room for the things that matter. Each object in this case that is released is a small reclaiming of space and attention. Financial chaff is often invisible until you look. From subscriptions you signed up for that you forgot about, recurring payments for services you no longer use or a debt that follows you like a dark cloud. Get your head out the sand and deal with it. Get those bank statements and run a short audit. Cancel unused subscriptions, reach out for financial support from professionals and take control of the financial chaff before it takes control of you.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-r3o4sz0iesmgf6hbge"><img id="r3o4sz0iesmgf6hbge" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/7FrJ3QMFkP5Fq3Z5bUdcqgzko59yY9xzha2fBorcyYRgrNyYLGhbP3rAqt7z5fLv.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/7FrJ3QMFkP5Fq3Z5bUdcqgzko59yY9xzha2fBorcyYRgrNyYLGhbP3rAqt7z5fLv.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Cutting life’s chaff is not a one-time act but a practice of regular pruning. Instead of using your energy to mourn what you lose during this process concentrate on celebrating what you keep. New shoots of growth will come, just be patient. Begin with one small cut this week and watch how space grows.So, for me I will continue to prune and remove the chaff in my life when necessary. I can now see my value. I owe myself inner calm. I am the kernel, and so are you.<figure id="figure-sflwrrplemgf6kait"><img id="sflwrrplemgf6kait" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/23B7glnccqYZOvTs1y2lh8uuzcse1JRMITA6oIWH75SCNqc2HCk77yaBjFefl5KX.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl selected" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/23B7glnccqYZOvTs1y2lh8uuzcse1JRMITA6oIWH75SCNqc2HCk77yaBjFefl5KX.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-mce-selected="1"></figure>Copyright © 2025 The Crone Network All rights reserved.

Storytelling

Fashion over 50- Do I have to?

The Age of AI (Artificial Intelligence)

Lowering my expectations

Failure and self doubt

Struggle and surrender

Cutting Out The Chaff