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Full length of active African plus size woman in sportswear doing stretching exercises in fitness studio

Some years ago, my son was getting married. It was a small, casual summer ceremony at a historic lakeside tavern where his soon-to-be wife worked. There was nothing in my closet that suited the “mother of the groom,” so I went to the only plus-size store in town and found a lovely black, three-quarter sleeve pullover sprinkled with tiny sequins. It was comfortable, appropriate, and made me feel pretty good about myself.The ceremony was outdoors, under the blazing August sun. My beautiful top was sticking to my sweating body, and I was miserable, happy that my son found a life mate, but miserable because I was so uncomfortable. Later, as the cocktails flowed and the music started, we moved into the tavern for dancing. I joined the crowd on the old oak floors, moving to the rhythm with absolute joy.<h3>Moving like that</h3> One of my son’s young friends came over to dance beside me. After a few minutes she leaned in and said, “Oh my goodness, you’re such a great dancer! I didn’t know big people could move like that!”<figure id="figure-b1iil4ynpqmhpckv4u"><img id="b1iil4ynpqmhpckv4u" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/128Qp8TtogCDO6sPyzZipOY1O1p5J92CKz8Z3qtd08gisfrLuSFSWvHHbJEcH1r4.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 25%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Bad photos are very difficult to fix but this was on my son’s wedding day.&nbsp;" data-positionx="50%" data-positiony="25%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/128Qp8TtogCDO6sPyzZipOY1O1p5J92CKz8Z3qtd08gisfrLuSFSWvHHbJEcH1r4.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 25%;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Bad photos are very difficult to fix but this was on my son’s wedding day.&nbsp;</figcaption></figure>You might think I was offended, but I wasn’t. I’ve always been a good dancer, and she had probably never seen a big woman move so freely. In that moment, I realized I’d become a living example of something she hadn’t known was possible: that body size doesn’t have to keep us from being fully, unashamedly ourselves.Having an obese body isn’t great for your physical health, but neither is hating yourself for having one. What’s the big deal if my arms flap in the wind or if I haven’t seen my pubic hair in years? Being comfortable in the body I have today is good for my mental and spiritual health. Getting fitter takes time but changing how I think about myself can start right now.But I know that being healthy isn’t just about joining Weight Watchers or hitting the gym. To me, real health has three equal parts: physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual, and I wondered if science and medicine see it that way too. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-jswyin36ikmhpcovwm"><img id="jswyin36ikmhpcovwm" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/21G660SS39AOV8v9NzwHizCKkGROzDNnXyrGSY8W15rV9Z2VrT41AYYNg8VYh4y3.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: 35% 55%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="1:1" data-caption="" data-positionx="35%" data-positiony="55%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/21G660SS39AOV8v9NzwHizCKkGROzDNnXyrGSY8W15rV9Z2VrT41AYYNg8VYh4y3.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: 35% 55%;"></figure>When I looked into it, I discovered that even the World Health Organization agrees. It defines health as “a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being — not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” One article I found added that health systems “miss the mark if they reduce people to a list of numbers — blood pressure, cholesterol, or genetic variants.”We’re complicated beings. I know what I should do to take care of my body, and yet I still make excuses. Maybe that’s old trauma talking, maybe it’s habit. But as I stand here in my “Cronehood,” I ask myself — if I don’t love me now, when will I?<h3>Oh so complicated</h3> Science may not have all the answers, but it’s catching up to what I’ve learned through living: true wellness comes when we care for our entire being. For me, it starts with mental health — because when I feel good about who I am, I’m more likely to care for this big, beautiful, sweaty, dancing body. These days, I see my body as a partner, not a problem. Whether she’s shimmering in sequins or wrapped in soft cotton, she’s mine — and she deserves to be loved…. Today.

Dancing in My Own Skin

I started to learn gratitude when I was 17 and got kicked out of my family home for deceiving my parents. I went to live with a friend in a nearby small city. For over a year, I washed my jeans in a sink and had weeks of just eating instant mashed potatoes because my roommate and I had no jobs and no money. That’s when I started to understand how fortunate I was to come from a middle-class family. <h3>A guardian angel</h3>One thing led to another, and soon I was injecting Dilaudid with my roommate and her junkie friends. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into, but the woman I am today recognises the innocence of that young girl and is grateful for surviving that wild summer. There must have been a guardian angel watching over me because most of those people died alone from overdose. &nbsp;&nbsp;Hanging out with the wrong people, so naïve and inexperienced, I found myself arrested for a rather serious crime along with my boyfriend and another man. Again, fate smiled on me by providing me with a public defender who believed I was blameless and got me out of county jail. I had the clothes on my back and $2.00 the jailers gave me to get a bus to a home, a home I no longer had. Thankfully, my boyfriend's sister took me in until I got on my feet.<figure id="figure-hb8ftnjaormhpc5oet" class=""><img id="hb8ftnjaormhpc5oet" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1euTewVDvCgVtKrU2RIq7Ha4WxV5OAeQGF5Lmgg0OCVX2mxjEgUAA8y4uUVHpzOD.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1euTewVDvCgVtKrU2RIq7Ha4WxV5OAeQGF5Lmgg0OCVX2mxjEgUAA8y4uUVHpzOD.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure> <h3>Grateful for help</h3>Later in life, there were a few times that my ex wasn’t working and there wasn’t enough food in the house. The kids got school breakfast and lunch, but there were a couple times I had to make a phone call to their grandparents asking, “Can the kids have dinner with you tonight?” I know there are lots of people who don’t have school or family to help when things are bad. I’m grateful for having help.About 10 years ago I lost a lot of weight by eating better and taking walks around the hood. In the beginning, walking hurt so bad I’d be in tears from the pain of holding myself upright and moving my large body. One of the tools I used to get me through the pain was appreciation for having legs that worked properly. When I wanted to quit walking, I would think of soldiers coming home without limbs, and the excruciating pain they must endure to find their new normal. Gratitude helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself and walk on despite the pain. It helped me lose over 70 pounds.When I witness others struggling, gratitude makes my heart ache and I ask myself, “Why am I so blessed?” &nbsp;There have been times when I stood behind a woman at the grocery store and overheard her say, “I need to put this, this, and this back please”, as she fumbles with the money in her hands. &nbsp;If I have the extra cash, I’m helping her out. &nbsp;There are people who work 3x harder than I did and still live in poverty. That doesn’t seem fair so I’m coughing up the cash out of gratitude.<figure id="figure-74jqmpxlwgmhpc8rqu"><img id="74jqmpxlwgmhpc8rqu" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/356owU5h9WpkyfkGuekTa3RDbHsNnYtdOkZJgOSvewqRulpyrDOfTTLRdAZd2AKP.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="photo credit to By Any Other Nerd" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/356owU5h9WpkyfkGuekTa3RDbHsNnYtdOkZJgOSvewqRulpyrDOfTTLRdAZd2AKP.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">photo credit to By Any Other Nerd</figcaption></figure>Gratitude comes in all shapes and sizes. Let’s think about charity, like giving a woman a few dollars to buy groceries. There’s a quote by Black Elk, the Oglala Sioux holy man who observed how charitable the white man could be. &nbsp;<img id="061rasa8rmhpcb1ol" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/26wtQITpHXLjdRPjYHMojKFR0OHk78yuv8vFRbtzQAcLDakUt0ruCgWVogevnfbv.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/26wtQITpHXLjdRPjYHMojKFR0OHk78yuv8vFRbtzQAcLDakUt0ruCgWVogevnfbv.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" style="border-color: rgba(229,231,235,var(--tw-border-opacity)); border-image-source: none; width: 640px; margin: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; aspect-ratio: 16 / 9; object-position: center center;"> <h3>Is charity a self act?</h3>There is something magical about charity. It usually comes from a place of gratitude and recognition that someone is in a worse position than yourself. &nbsp;In fact, some might argue that giving to others is a selfish act because it feels so good. Plus, those acts of kindness send ripples of positive juju into the universe and we could certainly use more of that. &nbsp; It’s hard to imagine not being grateful, but it happens all the time. Gratitude slips through my fingers when I’m upset with my husband, or when the car needs repairs. I forget about my privilege and sometimes forget to be thankful at night when I go to bed. There are days I wake up grumpy and filled with self-pity, but it’s always gratitude and the love of my Sammy that pulls me back from self-imposed misery.&nbsp;I know a woman who has a wonderful life. A modest but very cosy home. A car in the driveway. Food in the fridge. Healthy kids. But she consistently complains about what she doesn’t have, as if another trinket or new toy will make her happy. I wonder how someone can find happiness if they can’t even find satisfaction.<h3> </h3><h3>Thanks giving</h3>Years ago, we celebrated Thanksgiving at our house a few times, and I always asked our guests to give thanks before we ate, even if they did it quietly. One family member thought it was horrible that I asked people to express their gratitude, but the holiday is called Thanksgiving for a reason so if you dined at my table, if you enjoyed the juicy roast turkey and cornbread stuffing, please…. Express your appreciation in whatever form works for you.<figure id="figure-m9mpwrxiadmhpcc8pq"><img id="m9mpwrxiadmhpcc8pq" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/237RmOCvQBZV8bUm93FFQ8hUyJ1l75gTmX9St4uZWLu1OLoG4kXyVrjULAGGAN7u.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to Positive Psychology" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/237RmOCvQBZV8bUm93FFQ8hUyJ1l75gTmX9St4uZWLu1OLoG4kXyVrjULAGGAN7u.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to Positive Psychology</figcaption></figure>Positive Psychology featured an article by Dr. Melissa Madeson, PhD called “The Neuroscience of Gratitude &amp; Its Effects on the Brain” (September 2025). Dr Madeson talks about how the brain processes gratitude and how it triggers “good hormones and regulates effective functioning of the immune system.” &nbsp;Scholars believe that gratitude also activates the “reward centre” of the brain which can help us view ourselves and the world around us in a more positive perspective. <h3>A reduction in cortisol levels</h3>The article goes on to describe how the practice of appreciation can help our overall wellbeing. “Gratitude can boost emotional resilience by focusing on positive things in life instead of toxic emotions like envy, jealousy, resentment, and anxiety.” &nbsp;When it comes to stress, studies “found that participants experienced a reduction in cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and had better cardiac function.” &nbsp;Stress kills our good moods, our happy thoughts, and sometimes, takes our lives.Being grateful has proven benefits that include reduced anxiety and depression, improved sleep and immunity, and overall feelings of contentment and positive outlooks. But how can we practice gratitude to help us achieve better mental, emotional, and physical health?Millions of people exercise their gratitude every day through prayer. Regardless of a person’s spiritual beliefs, there is usually a ritual of giving thanks to a higher power. Many believe the simple whisper of “Thank you”, when spoken with a grateful heart, can manipulate the universe with waves of goodness. I was taught to pray before bed, and though I’m a Pagan, there can only be positivity when offering my nightly appreciation. I start with mom’s “Now I lay me down to sleep…” and finish by acknowledging my ancestors and people close to me who have passed on. This ritual is part of my gratitude routine, and though I forget sometimes, I trust the universe knows my good intentions and gives me an occasional pass. <blockquote>The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.Dolly Parton</blockquote><figure id="figure-x6f5ecy56mhpce59i" class=""><img id="x6f5ecy56mhpce59i" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/47cH4r6miF3F88I3YBdGgoui6AzzQ3QiQWS578e6pU9HAzmBKBFlOqSWabeld971.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/47cH4r6miF3F88I3YBdGgoui6AzzQ3QiQWS578e6pU9HAzmBKBFlOqSWabeld971.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>I can find gratitude in raindrops, in a great meal, in having coins in my purse. There’s gratitude in the furnace that heats my home and in my very kind neighbours. I’m thankful for friends that hold my secrets, socks that warm my feet and arms that hug my husband close to me. All I need to do is look around and there’s something to be grateful for in every glance and every sound.I’m a big fan of shifting perspectives, of looking at things from different angles, but I don’t need a scientific study to show me that being thankful for the many blessings in my life is truly, the key to finding contentment, peace of mind, and happiness.&nbsp; <a data-mce-href="https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude" href="https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude">﻿&nbsp;https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude</a>

The key to my happiness

I’ve always been a “plain Jane” so I don’t know much about fashion beyond watching episodes of Project Runway and Making the Cut. &nbsp;I don’t know what I was thinking when I suggested the topic Fashion Over 50 during a recent writing class with members of Crone Awakening Wisdom. My personal fashion sense is, “It’s clean, it’s just a teeny stain and I’m not going anywhere”, &nbsp;so I needed to look into the subject from different points of view to grasp the concept of fashion over 50.There are hundreds of websites offering tips on how to dress your age, and there are lovely pictures of finely dressed ladies, all perfectly styled and photographed. &nbsp;“Start with the basics” is a standard bullet point for most of these sites; every woman should have black dress pants, a black dress, an evening top or dress, and a nice blazer or jacket. &nbsp;Gosh, my favourite “dress” pants/trousers are over 32 years old and I’ll be wearing them again for whatever appropriate occasion requires me to posh myself up.&nbsp;I used to wear hip huggers with a thick leather belt, but I haven’t worn pants with zippers in about 40 years. Tube tops used to be in fashion too, but now that my boobs are on my belly, I’m better off tucking them into my stretchy leggings and using them as thigh warmers. My hot orange mini skirt was very trendy, but it got me in trouble with the boys and my legs always turned purple during winter recess. Remember blue mascara and Candie’s, those awful wooden shoes we thought were so cool? &nbsp;They were the most uncomfortable shoes ever made, so why did I bother? Because I wanted to follow the trend and be “in fashion”?<figure id="figure-ynj632am0wmgp04v2x" class=""><img id="ynj632am0wmgp04v2x" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1dHp96W492EReqTrh8sO1T8KCpnEtXZt1NEXaJQ5FEzTGzrFYHW142599YwPBk3n.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1dHp96W492EReqTrh8sO1T8KCpnEtXZt1NEXaJQ5FEzTGzrFYHW142599YwPBk3n.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure><h3>This is the reason I wear baggy clothes</h3> Of course, as I aged, my tastes changed and so did my levels of comfort. What worked for me decades ago, doesn’t work for me anymore. This puckered old body doesn’t want a belt, it doesn’t even want a bra! And as much as I might dream about wearing a lacy ruffled top and a pencil skirt, they don’t work for my body and seem very confining to me. The picture of me swaddled tightly and sitting on an oversized red chair put me right off wearing tight clothes. Another side of fashion is shopping, and as much as I love to hunt and gather, we left most of our possessions in the states when we moved to Scotland, and emptying my life of “stuff” was liberating so I’m really thoughtful about what I buy these days. I try to avoid making purchases “just because I like it”. &nbsp;&nbsp;Finding a nice patterned top that’s comfortable, comes in my size, looks decent on me, and isn’t emblazoned with a heart or a city name, can be quite a challenge. &nbsp;And some of the patterns for women my size are just plain ugly and they make me wonder if the buyer had gas that day. A decent quality tunic can cost over £70 ($93)! &nbsp;But when I get lucky and find a top I love slipping over my head, I’ll wear the poor thing until I can read a newspaper through the fabric. I have actually cried over having to dispose of treasured tops. &nbsp;Pathetic? &nbsp;Maybe, but we like what we like.&nbsp; Most zippered pants were too baggy in the ball sack area because I’m short and fat, so leggings are my thing. They come in almost every colour and pattern, and you can get a decent pair on a budget. When I joined the gym I bought a few pairs of sports-type leggings. I call them “miracle pants” because they hold ALL this in so amazingly well. As comfortable as they are, when you’re built like me there’s always the risk of having an exposed “camel belly”. &nbsp;That’s what happened one day at my gym’s Pump class. &nbsp;Little did I know that the seam of my miracle leggings split my belly into two separate portions. I will never be able to unsee the very zoomed-in photo of me lying on that bench.&nbsp;<figure id="figure-bp23einqr1mgp0cy5c"><img id="bp23einqr1mgp0cy5c" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bL3mxPPywHrTRch9n8w2Kzim8Nww0GYnNUINZUKwFsdWeXUAuks0k4PpHjvCble.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bL3mxPPywHrTRch9n8w2Kzim8Nww0GYnNUINZUKwFsdWeXUAuks0k4PpHjvCble.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>The other thing I think about when buying new clothes, is where do the old clothes go to die? Donating a top I can read through isn’t fair to the charity shop. They wouldn’t be able to sell something so well worn, and it would be a waste of the time donated by volunteer workers. Throwing it in the bin like household trash doesn’t seem right either. That’s just more garbage for the Earth to swallow.Here’s an interesting fact. Did you know the fashion industry causes 10% of global industrial pollution? &nbsp;According to The Carbon Literacy Project, the “entire lifecycle of a garment, from manufacturing to transportation to, ultimately, ending up in landfill, in total, releases 1.2 billion tonnes of carbon emissions every year.” &nbsp;Reading stuff like this makes me proud that my fancy pants are 32 years old!<h3>Gaining respect by our appearance</h3>Another fashionable point of view is offered by a young woman who made a video about a friend she thought was pretty. She explains that her friend started wearing makeup and high heels and was suddenly treated with more respect. This young Crone-to-be points out that the patriarchy created and sustains the fashion industry, and that some women may present themselves a certain way to gain more respect from men. This perspective is worth a listen.<a data-mce-href="https://www.facebook.com/reel/1039267077638328" href="https://www.facebook.com/reel/1039267077638328">https://www.facebook.com/reel/1039267077638328</a>And then we Crones need to hear messages like this guy’s view on fashion over 50. "I think that after a certain age your skirt should really be at or below the knee, no matter how beautiful your legs are. It looks more appropriate, and it doesn’t look like you’re trying to look young.” &nbsp;The quote comes from a well-known fashion stylist, Paul Cavaco, who does not wear a skirt.<h3>I'm not a circumstance</h3>The word “appropriate” means “suitable and proper for the circumstances” according to the Oxford Dictionary. One could easily understand that a bright orange skimpy dress wouldn’t be appropriate for most funerals, but I'm not a circumstance and if I want to show my cellulite thighs at the dance club in my short orange dress, that's what I'm going to do. He's welcome to strap on a bra, slip into a grannie dress and some heels and have himself a good time.I also found “rules” for what women over 50 are supposed to wear. In an article by The Guardian called ‘We want to wear what we want, but don’t want to get it wrong’ – how to decode fashion in your 50s.” (March 2023). &nbsp;A company called Hope Fashion, which offers clothes for Crones, had to crowd-fund from their customers because the male dominated &nbsp;industry wouldn't invest in older women. From a business point of view, that’s just dumb because there are 87 million women over 50 living in the UK, the US, and Canada alone!&nbsp; &nbsp;The article goes on to say that many women “have a lot of clothes but feel as if they have nothing to wear – and then feel guilty about it. Their main problem, she says, is that shopping for clothes has become daunting and exhausting.” My view goes back to the industry being patriarchal and wanting us to have a certain look. Maybe we look in the mirror and can’t achieve the standards they've set for us and feel we have "nothing to wear".&nbsp;<h3>She dared to wear cargo pants</h3>While I’m the jeans, t-shirt, and Birkenstocks girl, my cousin Carole had a much higher standard of dress and appearance. Physically, we looked very much alike but we were polar opposites in how we carried ourselves. I always admired her sense of style, especially because she was a large woman. She dared to wear cargo pants/trousers and often wore dresses to work as a school teacher. Her nails and makeup were always on point, while I stopped wearing makeup in the 1980s. Fashion was important to my sweet cousin and it’s one of the things that makes me smile when I think of her.<figure id="figure-210028rvzgmgp0oqcn"><img id="210028rvzgmgp0oqcn" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/37eDJFQTm7iumObqhp4MEDI41dvDAgeuCsdAKxTyRYcpYjQiEnHXPl5vRovF8yBz.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="null" data-positiony="null" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/37eDJFQTm7iumObqhp4MEDI41dvDAgeuCsdAKxTyRYcpYjQiEnHXPl5vRovF8yBz.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>I appreciate art and design in all its glorious forms, and really dig seeing a smartly dressed woman, no matter her size, age, or personal style. Show me sassy, show me your innocence, flaunt your curves, let's see that cleavage, cinch in that belt. And if you just want to look “put together” in a casual way, that’s exactly what you should do. Either way, I will applaud you and tell you how beautiful you are for just being a Crone.&nbsp;But I got news for the testosterone driven fashion industry, baggy and slightly unkept is also a fashion statement and it’s the one I’ve been embracing for decades. Comfort is queen for this feisty old Crone.&nbsp;<a data-mce-href="https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g22876839/fashion-for-women-over-50/" href="https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g22876839/fashion-for-women-over-50/">https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g22876839/fashion-for-women-over-50/</a><a data-mce-href="https://carbonliteracy.com/fast-fashions-carbon-footprint/" href="https://carbonliteracy.com/fast-fashions-carbon-footprint/">https://carbonliteracy.com/fast-fashions-carbon-footprint/</a><a data-mce-href="https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2023/mar/24/how-to-decode-fashion-in-your-50s-women" href="https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2023/mar/24/how-to-decode-fashion-in-your-50s-women">https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2023/mar/24/how-to-decode-fashion-in-your-50s-women</a>

Fashion over 50- Do I have to?

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<h3>What is AI? &nbsp;(Artificial Intelligence)</h3>The term “artificial intelligence” (AI) refers to computer systems that are so advanced they can learn by recognising and processing patterns of information. It’s so good it can interact with humans using a natural, conversational language. It absorbs the information we feed into it, such as Facebook posts and what we buy at the grocery store, and uses that information to educate itself. It’s even begun to think for itself.You’ve probably been using AI without even knowing it. Do you use Alexa or anything voice or face activated? &nbsp;When you type onto your keyboard and it predicts what you’re going to say, that’s AI in action. Spotify uses AI to suggest a playlist just for you. &nbsp;There are good and bad things about AI, but one thing’s for sure, it’s not going away. So maybe we need to think about adapting to this new technology so we’re not left behind. <figure id="figure-7f0qmn72hmh7vo4ow"><img id="7f0qmn72hmh7vo4ow" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31z6DF3koWtxO3382gWTgwgvz7AXPXRi1rDIanyjOhF5CNEN3z9HasQHBGg5Rd5F.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to Kunstliche for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31z6DF3koWtxO3382gWTgwgvz7AXPXRi1rDIanyjOhF5CNEN3z9HasQHBGg5Rd5F.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to Kunstliche for Pexels</figcaption></figure> <h3>The bad stuff</h3>Let’s start with the scary part of AI. &nbsp;Have you heard the word “deepfake” over the last few years? Well, “deepfake” is audio or video intentionally created by artificial intelligence to deceive someone. This is easily done with a snippet of someone’s voice or just a single photo, and the result can be shockingly realistic. Anybody with the right tools can make a deepfake recording of another person that’s so real, viewers will believe what they see and hear. Right now, there are hundreds of fake photos and videos on everything from political views to panty liners and celebrities. Talk about a doppelganger?!Here's an example of a deepfake photo. Notice the very smooth skin on the face and the wonky looking hands.&nbsp;&nbsp;<figure id="figure-tc8z6r6naomh7vtbgb"><img id="tc8z6r6naomh7vtbgb" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3njXa7vZDyClxK1CeFzGGzaU2xpJfhJ3L0vKTI4bTng4ZHExvq8lE6Aj4eVLr9qx.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to public domain" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/3njXa7vZDyClxK1CeFzGGzaU2xpJfhJ3L0vKTI4bTng4ZHExvq8lE6Aj4eVLr9qx.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to public domain</figcaption></figure> In an issue of USA Today-Tech&nbsp;(2025), Emmy award winner tech columnist Jennifer Jolly provides this short, very informative video on how to spot deepfake audio and video. It’s worth watching. <figure id="figure-gfa9gaqeumh7w5vfl" class=""><iframe id="gfa9gaqeumh7w5vfl" class="w-full bg-gray-100 h-80 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" allowfullscreen="" data-url="&lt;iframe title=" width="540" height="350" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="https://uw-media.usatoday.com/embed/video/83534558007?placement=snow-embed" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://uw-media.usatoday.com/embed/video/83534558007?placement=snow-embed" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure> Something else to keep in mind is that older people are the biggest target group for AI scams aimed at getting our money and information. Someone gets a “Granny, it’s me” phone call saying they’re stuck and need cash. AI can mimic voices, so was it really your grandchild? We also have a literacy gap with AI technology. We don’t want AI to be smarter than we are, so it’s best to educate ourselves.<h3> </h3><h3>Now for some good news</h3>Although phoney media can make AI a terrifying spectre, there are some great benefits that we shouldn’t ignore. I have been avoiding AI like the plague, but encouraged by a woman in the field, I started with ChatGPT to help me draft some legal documents. It was the first time I intentionally used AI to help me with something, and it was an amazing experience. AI felt a bit like a servant which was very weird, but the information it provided was astonishing. AI makes mistakes, so with something as important as legal documents, I checked the facts against what it generated. It was remarkably accurate.If you want to try AI, just type ChatGPT into your web browser and when you get to it, just ask something specific. For example, you could ask “In the year 1325, at what age were females in Scotland married, and what happened if they didn’t have a dowry? Please create a 2-paragraph summary of your answer.” Be specific with your question. Try typing, “Please create a printable how-to for fixing my toilet.” It will probably ask you what the problem is so it can provide you with accurate instructions.Another benefit of AI is challenging mind games that help to keep our brains engaged. And there’s more! In a great article published by 50 Plus&nbsp;(July2025) “There are AI tools that can help you budget, track subscriptions, or organise your digital files — including the ones you forgot were sitting in a folder marked ‘Important!’ from 2017. Tools like Notion AI and Reclaim can become a digital second brain, keeping everything in one place and prompting you when things need doing.” &nbsp;They also have a summary of areas in our life that can benefit we older gals.There have been big advances in medical diagnostics using AI platforms. Although this is new technology, one study shows significant increases in cancer findings. In the article Five AI Innovations That Will Redefine Healthcare in 2025 (Forbes, February 2025), they state “With AI support, radiologists increased breast cancer detection by 17.6% and lowered recall rates. Additionally, the AI group had a higher positive predictive value for recalls than the control group.” This is great news for women! <figure id="figure-cjwl745xk7mh7wc4it"><img id="cjwl745xk7mh7wc4it" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31LrtXMNOeFaiPEmulUI3mlNSCVfaAdDHfz4x90PLxYtsX4QEiQ39wdT3tLw9NiM.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to public domain " data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/31LrtXMNOeFaiPEmulUI3mlNSCVfaAdDHfz4x90PLxYtsX4QEiQ39wdT3tLw9NiM.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to public domain</figcaption></figure> Many believe the future will be filled with breakthroughs thanks to advancements in AI technology. Some believe it will completely transform patient healthcare with improved diagnostic accuracy, better patient monitoring, and more efficient workflows which will ease the backlogs for patients seeking treatment.&nbsp;Another big advancement in AI is the invention of “emotional companions”. &nbsp;These devices can hold conversations with you, reminds you of birthdays and to take your meds. I watched one example of a woman telling her companion that she was feeling down, and the machine spoke back in a soft, calming voice, helped her to regulate her breath and asked if she’d like to hear some music. Another video showed a woman asking her companion “I have shrimp and mushrooms in the fridge, what can I make for dinner?” Memory care patients have shown promising results by engaging with AI tools that help them feel less isolated and alone.There are several AI home devices that you may already be using. Amazon’s Echo series offers a range of “assistants” with products that are simple or more sophisticated. &nbsp;Prices are surprisingly affordable with the top-of-the-line costing about £250 for the devices with screens for video chatting. The service is free, but you must have an Amazon Prime account. We pay £8.99/month.<figure id="figure-rdp2drd8mnmh7wer1p"><img id="rdp2drd8mnmh7wer1p" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35gpIPNVp2uLLSBvGK7E6DQp1rYxA6Mz32CagCihJSjUEkrSaDoRVPsXbN24OZnl.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to Kindel Media for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35gpIPNVp2uLLSBvGK7E6DQp1rYxA6Mz32CagCihJSjUEkrSaDoRVPsXbN24OZnl.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to Kindel Media for Pexels</figcaption></figure>For something high level, there’s an AI device called Elli*Q which is currently sold in the US (expanding to the UK and Canada soon). With a price point of about $900, it tracks medications, shares photos and messages, and has community activities like bingo. The monthly subscription of $40-60 can be rich for some budgets, but it looks fun and seems very interactive. There appears to be a 1-year contract after which you can pay month to month or cancel. Some people may qualify for free or reduced service fees. Check the link below for more information about Elli*Q.If you’re interested in learning how AI can enhance your every day, AIReviewly has published a fantastic list of AI apps that are broken down into categories. There’s some helpful information about what each app does and the estimated cost of running them. See below for their list with clickable links straight to the companies selling the tech. <h3>Don't be fooled</h3>There are some key things to remember when trying to decide if something is AI generated, like a field of flowers, or if it's a misleading deepfake. Does it make sense?&nbsp;Assume everything is a fake until you can verify it from reliable sources. Would Mother Teresa say she bought at AR15? Use Google to fact check it. What about the scene?Are there shadows where you expect them? &nbsp;If it’s windy and the trees are blowing but someone’s hair isn’t? Skies are beautiful, but is this over the top? Look at the details closely.Zoom in. AI is terrible at recreating hands, especially fingers. Details are often unusual, like an eye looking wonky or a dolphin with two noses. What is the source?If the source is from a name you know, like ABC, Reuters, CBC or BBC, it is more likely to be real. But if the source is mrsbaloney@tiktok, it might not be real. Question it.Bodycam and doorbell cameras hide a lot of AI flaws, so be wary of those videos in particular. Watch forDisappearing hands and things like weird looking signs or flickering bits. &nbsp;If words don't sync with a moving mouth, be suspicious.&nbsp; Should you report deepfakes?You can report deepfakes, but investigators will only be interested in significant issues that are worth their time, so consider your level of concern carefully. Acts of financial fraud or intention to harm should always be reported.&nbsp;In the UK, you can get in touch with Police.UK for more information about deepfakes, fraud, scams, and other illegal online activities.www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/online-safety/online-safety/deepfakes-what-is-a-deepfake/deepfakes-reporting-it-to-us/In the US, things are a bit more complicated, but for more information check outhttps://firstamendment.mtsu.edu/post/dealing-with-deepfakes-what-the-first-amendment-says/In Canada, you can report deepfakes to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre is you suspect fraud or cybercrime.https://antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca/index-eng.htm <h3>Toggle off or off grid?</h3>In some cases, you can block AI interaction. Do a search for your device and instructions to turn off the technology. You can usually do that in your settings on your device. Remember that AI is already working behind the scenes in many different arenas, so it will be hard to rid ourselves of this growing technology. The only way to avoid AI is to go off grid. <figure id="figure-vrhz3yptrmh7x5fxo"><img id="vrhz3yptrmh7x5fxo" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/11oU9mZTxqmWQPcNxctgwjfPHYZWgcJzIlrO8uOvXeq40UpUJyiK0rIGcGq4S9sk.jpg" alt="Greenhouse Sanctuary in the Forest" title="Greenhouse Sanctuary in the Forest" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to Randy Ortiz for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/11oU9mZTxqmWQPcNxctgwjfPHYZWgcJzIlrO8uOvXeq40UpUJyiK0rIGcGq4S9sk.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to Randy Ortiz for Pexels</figcaption></figure> I don’t want to submit to artificial intelligence. Gosh, I have a hard enough time managing my own intelligence. But in my view, we don’t have a choice. It’s here and it’s either going to be great or its going to suck. We older gals don’t want to be swept up in the tide of AI so it’s best that we learn what we can and use AI tools to our advantage.Of course, we can always give our phones away, sell our TVs and computers, and live a quiet life in the country without devices of any kind. Just stop using technology entirely. But consider the consequences carefully.I’m not giving up my spreadsheets or handwritten notes, but I’m going to embrace AI carefully and pay attention to what’s real and what’s fake. Here’s a bit more info you might find helpful.&nbsp;&nbsp;2 https://www.50plusmagazine.co.uk/10-ways-ai-can-empower-you-after-50-at-work-at-home-and-everywhere-in-between/ 3 https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbestechcouncil/2025/02/28/five-ai-innovations-that-will-redefine-healthcare-in-2025/ 4 https://elliq.com/pages/free 5 https://aireviewly.com/rankings/ai-for-seniors.html

The Age of AI (Artificial Intelligence)

Japanese businesswoman checking the time on her wristwatch

Before I moved to Scotland from New Jersey, I joined a couple Facebook groups of American women living in the UK and groups of people who were applying for UK Visa's. It was helpful to read their experiences and learn the process of moving to a new country, and it gave me insight into life as an American living here. There were lots of posts about schools (many are on work or education visas), and there were a few posts about calling cookies “biscuits” and how hard it is to find Mexican food. When they started talking about searching for American-type dill pickles, I jumped right into the conversation, I mean, my grandfather used to call me “pickle puss” because I enjoyed them so much. But there were other discussions that caused me to worry a bit, and that was the struggle for some women to develop friendships. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-xartt1uorimh1vsf0h" class=""><img id="xartt1uorimh1vsf0h" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39Y6l5QbIcVI17OEqwxjS6JdRFWLK6gk9mLuRG41gjsr72E3EY0n74Kw1845kKG2.png" alt="Older woman with worried face is looking out a window" title="Older woman with worried face is looking out a window" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="Photo credit to: Teona Swift for Pexels" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/39Y6l5QbIcVI17OEqwxjS6JdRFWLK6gk9mLuRG41gjsr72E3EY0n74Kw1845kKG2.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: undefined undefined;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">Photo credit to: Teona Swift for Pexels</figcaption></figure><h3> I was worried</h3> Reading those posts had me worried that l'd be here, alone with my husband, without girlfriends to bitch and complain about him, or talk about sleepless nights, pain in the ass family, or sexy romance novels. I kept my expectations low and held faith that I was a people person and surely, somebody will like me. Surely......Six years later, I’m sitting in the comfy Cosy that my husband had built for me, enjoying a glass of Montepulciano de A’Bruzzo and thinking about the abundance of friends I have made here in Scotland. The experiences of those other American women were not my experiences at all, but I’m happy that I kept my expectations low because in my view, they usually end up with pain and disappointment.&nbsp; <figure id="figure-0dzxbg316imh1vv17u" class=""><img id="0dzxbg316imh1vv17u" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bBumquciHU7QN2AFRB0zkdZD3zwxBkOWaumOiLKhnMza80uUWtOgWohisAzljas.png" alt="A lighted office shed" title="A lighted office shed" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="The Cosy at night" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2bBumquciHU7QN2AFRB0zkdZD3zwxBkOWaumOiLKhnMza80uUWtOgWohisAzljas.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"><figcaption class="body-normal text-gray-500 mt-2">The Cosy at night</figcaption></figure> Expectation comes in all shapes and sizes. There’s the expectation that my dinner guests will show up on time. We agreed on a time and date so it’s reasonable to believe they would be here when the chicken comes out of the oven. Of course, even the most honourable intentions can go astray, so if my dinner guests message me to say they’re running late due to road construction, my disappointment turns to understanding and my expectations are met without further concern.&nbsp;Sam and I have everything we want and need (so grateful), but when he didn't buy me a birthday present, I got the feeling that I’m not important enough for him to go out of his way. But I know that's not true because he shows me in many other ways how much he treasures me.&nbsp; &nbsp;Expecting a relative to send me a “Happy Birthday, Di. Love, your relative,” email is one thing, but expecting them to ask about my life in Scotland is another, especially when they have already demonstrated a complete lack of interest. If the shoe were on the other foot and they moved to a different country, I would ask about their life. But is it fair to expect them to do the same?<h3>Expecting too much</h3>In my humble view, expectations are based on 2 different scenarios. &nbsp;First, if you say you're going to do something I will expect you to do it, to keep your word. That's an easy expectation to have, for someone to actually do what they say. The 2nd type of expectation is more complicated, and I recently came to realise that expecting people to be like me is a form of judgement.A perfect example of this was how we approached a loved one when Alzheimer's really started to affect their wellbeing. I took it upon myself to call them everyday because I could tell they were scared and bored and helpless, but when I wasn’t able to phone, I begged my family to call in my place, just to keep our loved one occupied for a few minutes.&nbsp;They never stepped up in the way I had expected. I was crushed with guilt and pain for my loved one who needed their support with just making a phone call, but it's been some years now and I've come to understand that my thinking was flawed. Just because I would do it doesn't mean they would, and that's perfectly ok. I no longer feel the need to compare myself to them or vice versa, which by osmosis, seemed to lower my expectations of them.&nbsp;<blockquote> “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”&nbsp;– Harriet Morgan </blockquote>Understanding how expectations work has helped me navigate emotions of disregard and other bad juju that comes with feeling let down. It’s given me a greater appreciation of the differences between individuals too. My husband is one of the kindest, most generous people I know, but he has demonstrated a lack of interest in buying me gifts. Okay.&nbsp; So now my choices are to get upset or to change the way I react to his lack of effort. I'd rather not let it bother me.When I consider all the facts in our marriage, not buying a gift isn't a big deal. I can easily buy myself anything, anytime, so that's what I do. Instead of feeling hurt and expecting my love to change his unimaginative behaviour, I made the choice to release my grip on gift-buying expectations. Sometimes people aren't gift buyers... so what? He makes up for it by dressing in black and doing the paso doble' in the living room. He's so sexy with the black accentuating his thick, grey beard, and seeing him dance so joyfully makes me giggle. And that makes him happy and I'm good with that. Plus, I bought myself some thick wool socks last year for the holidays and they are perfect!&nbsp;Another consideration of expectations is the worry factor. I was invited to a BBQ to honour an elderly family member, but the hostess and I stopped talking to each other years ago over some misunderstanding. She was quite aggressive at the time so my expectations were high that there would be another conflict. &nbsp;My worrying almost made me stay home, but I went to the BBQ and it was wonderful. She and I renewed our relationship and we’ve been great ever since. Worrying about something rarely lives up to the negative hype that expectations deliver.&nbsp;&nbsp; <figure id="figure-h4vhkomjfmh1vzigx"><img id="h4vhkomjfmh1vzigx" src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/38rk5KqYaHZwpSXXHDQSwZDOP0vyIx6GtJukP8jb1rFKCFL49S1254OYd9c5gC4h.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/38rk5KqYaHZwpSXXHDQSwZDOP0vyIx6GtJukP8jb1rFKCFL49S1254OYd9c5gC4h.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure> What I've learned about expectations is that we're all unique individuals so it's not fair to judge people by the standards I set for myself.&nbsp; By expecting very little, I've significantly reduced the levels and frequency of feeling disapointed, and my stress and worry are massively reduced.&nbsp; &nbsp; I’m going to keep my expectations and judgements lowered, and I'm going to increase my appreciation of others and their individual uniqueness.&nbsp; I hope others will offer me the same kindness, but I'm not going to expect it.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;

Lowering my expectations

My mom suffered from crippling low self-esteem. For years, I thought she preferred restaurant booths because they were more comfortable, but I later realised it was because she didn’t want people to see her “fat ass”.&nbsp; My mother was beautiful — light blue Elizabeth Taylor eyes, thick brunette hair, and a shapely figure. Yet she couldn’t see any of it. &nbsp;It was only when Alzheimer's stole her memory that she released her grip on self-doubt and gave up caring how she looked. She asked me once, “Where did you get your self-confidence? Maybe I absorbed all hers, &nbsp;I don’t know.<figure id="figure-w6lqj6on1emgoymmg5"><img id="w6lqj6on1emgoymmg5" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/217NoEdKxLuAjruq46Flkfzt9H5uk8Sq5Va9DU7FzAhoQvXES50ifd8bOBsJO2OU.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/217NoEdKxLuAjruq46Flkfzt9H5uk8Sq5Va9DU7FzAhoQvXES50ifd8bOBsJO2OU.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Even someone with a healthy sense of self-worth can be ambushed by doubt. Today, I’m questioning my ability to write stories worthy of The Crone Network. I have three finished pieces sitting on my desk, but I’m afraid to release them. What if they’re boring? What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail — again? So I’m writing this story about self-doubt hoping it helps me understand why it has such a hold on me today and maybe, just maybe, it helps someone else loosen its hold too. It zooms in on mistakes People describe me as kind, generous, and friendly, but that’s not enough to drag me from the depths of not believing in myself. &nbsp;The self-doubt remains. I built a successful career and became a “boss lady”, but some of my ideas were a flop and lost money. &nbsp;It was embarrassing and self-doubt moved into my thinking and completely forgot that I wasn’t the only one responsible. &nbsp;That’s what self-doubt does. It zooms in on my mistakes and ignores successes until I start believing I’m not capable.<figure id="figure-d447za9xnmgoyq6ay"><img id="d447za9xnmgoyq6ay" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2deYdu4ZWhEoMWfneaVPhsTZt67nAwAsKlSijRVkT6SBvNd7WLuZNHEcmGAeysiX.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2deYdu4ZWhEoMWfneaVPhsTZt67nAwAsKlSijRVkT6SBvNd7WLuZNHEcmGAeysiX.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>For a long time, I saw those moments as proof I wasn’t good enough. &nbsp;But now that I’m a Crone, I recognise the resilience, courage, and the refusal to quit I displayed. Each failure could have been the end, but I survived them all and maybe those are the small victories I need to remember so self-doubt doesn’t stop me from believing in myself. So where does this leave me now? &nbsp;What have I learned about this critic that lives rent-free in my head? &nbsp;First, I need to understand what’s real. My fear of writing for The Crone Network isn’t about talent — it’s about exposure. What if no one cares? What if I offend someone? What if I’m not “hip” enough or “educated” enough? Every “what if” piles on another brick of insecurity until I’m trapped inside my own mind and accomplishing nothing. When I feel my confidence slipping, I’ve learned to step away, breathe, and remind myself of the truth: I’ve already done hard things. I’ve overcome worse than a fear of being rejected or the blinking cursor on my computer screen. &nbsp;Even small steps forward count toward the end goal. For instance, I already have a library of subjects neatly organised in an Excel spreadsheet of things to talk about. &nbsp;Another step forward was hiring someone to manage social media and yet another step forward was remembering that I excelled at English and journalism in school. See! Just typing this paragraph has given my self-confidence a nudge in the right direction.<blockquote> The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.― Sylvia Plath</blockquote> Self-doubt will always whisper in my ear, but I don’t have to listen. I’ve failed, I’ve succeeded, and I’ll do both again. What matters is that I keep showing up, keep writing, keep trying. Self-confidence grows every time I push past fear and take the risk anyway. So today, self-doubt can kiss my fat ass. &nbsp;My confidence is back and now this story is ready for publication. &nbsp;<figure id="figure-1lx4o82j0imgoysgb6"><img id="1lx4o82j0imgoysgb6" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1fxDl7gJtKXWwg2VHJV46xrppUUBwUz1Dct51GJ4EK0Y19GyqNKcxey0DVQphngr.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1fxDl7gJtKXWwg2VHJV46xrppUUBwUz1Dct51GJ4EK0Y19GyqNKcxey0DVQphngr.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>

Storytelling

Dancing in My Own Skin

The key to my happiness

Fashion over 50- Do I have to?

The Age of AI (Artificial Intelligence)

Lowering my expectations

Failure and self doubt